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Originally Posted by JimOfferman  |
LOLOLOL Oh Jim you just made me laugh to tears for five minutes. This is hilarious!
Yes, you're right, online communication definitely adds to the problem. It's difficult to know how exactly someone means something online. Seeker and I have an almost telepathic connection, we're often able to feel how the other one feels, even without communicating at all. So I usually trust that what I say will come across the way I mean it. But this can fail of course, especially when I'm pushing his buttons.
And you're right too that my style has become more concise. I'm more action-driven, more impatient and tend to make less words. So I'll just write "your ego will have to suffer it" instead of "whoops, looks like this is a sensitive topic for you. I'm sorry you're hurting, but I can''t consider this now. Your ego will have to suffer it. "
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That's why you need more words to convey what you want to say online!
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I'll remember this advice. Thanks.
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Originally Posted by ellie I love the relationship between you and seeker |
I love it too, that's why I'm being so sad. This relationship is very beautiful (and complicated). I'm thankful to him that he allowed me to talk about this and share these details about him here.
Thank you everybody for your lovely hugs
You know, I don't feel that I'm being harsh. Others perceive me as harsh, but I don't mean it in a harsh way. There is no aggressivity when I say "harsh" things. I don't feel disconnected. I don't go around bear bombing either.
It's simply that I don't take special care of not hurting others anymore. I think this is disrespectful towards them. It sends the message off to them that they're weak and cannot take it. It robs them of the opportunity to deal with their stuff and grow. I think this stuff is theirs to deal with, and it's not my job to be specially careful about it.
When I spontaneously want to react in a certain way, and I know or feel it would upset them, I decide not to consider this and to react the way I want to, because this is just the only genuine way of reacting. Of course I could hold myself back and be diplomatic, but this isn't really who I am. Am I really a friend to them if I'm not who I really am with them?
I do feel loving and compassionate when I say such things. I don't mean to hurt them. But when their buttons collide with my spontaneous self-expression, I choose the latter. I think being too considerate isn't really compassion, it's enabling of negative stuff.