[steveo4]

Thanks everyone for the replies. Much appreciated.

Originally Posted by The Cloud

Where is it that you truly feel stuck? Is your problem that you haven't made friends, or is it something deeper than that? I doubt that the entirety of the issue is lack of social experience; you can get that relatively easily, especially in a big city like Boston. Your fundamental problem may be confusion about yourself and your role in the world. All the charisma in the world means nothing if you don't know what truly care to do with it.

I'd say the primary problem is that I haven't made friends. I can definitely be shy and awkward and insecure, which obviously serves as a massive hurdle, but the ultimate goal is to make more friends. If I could do that without going over my shyness I'd be content (but that's probably not possible).

To be honest, I think lack of social experience is a definite part of the problem. I don't deny that there's a good amount of things going on in a big city like Boston, but I'm not really a part of any of them. I think I have a decent grasp on what I want/what kind of a person I want to be friends with

Originally Posted by LordSappington

Yes, this is very hard. You have to just force yourself to do it. For each venue you go to, you have to walk up to people and say, "Hello, I'm XYZ. I'm new in town and I'm trying to meet new people." You should figure out maybe 4 or 5 standard opening lines for each one and just do them. I try to do it with varying success. Sometimes, I'm just full of energy and it's easy. Sometimes, it's incredibly difficult, but I'm slowly working to the point where it's getting easier.

Haha, well, for starters, I've lived here my whole life, so it would be kind of dishonest to pretend otherwise. What kind of reactions do you get when you do that, though? I imagine I'd just get a bunch of blank stares/awkward looks which would just make me even more reticent about approaching strangers.

Originally Posted by LordSappington

Go to these events alone. I think that would be the biggest thing to help you. You have to get over that fear. Your friends will not always be around when you want them to. You have to learn to be yourself around strangers. This Saturday, I'm going to a bar alone. I will buy one beer and nurse it the entire night and approach people. It's something I gotta learn how to do, and now is the perfect time since all of my friends are currently out of town for the holidays.

Thanks, that's good advice. You're right that I have to learn to be myself without the security blanket of my friends. I'm curious as to how tomorrow night will go for you....let me know.

Originally Posted by JimOfferman

Here's what I think you should do: first, focus on finding happiness in your own life, on your own. Why? Because the happiness that you generate for yourself will be the strongest possible foundation for building the life you love. It's also much easier to connect with other people when you are happy. People like happy people!

How do you find happiness within yourself? Start appreciating everything about your life that you do like and at the same time start spending less energy on the things that you don't like (either stop doing those things altogether or spend the minimum amount of energy needed). If you keep this up, pretty soon you will find that the majority of what you do are things you enjoy. If you're doing lots of things you enjoy, then you should be happy!

The really big secret here is that being happy is a choice you make. Every moment of every day you consciously or unconsciously decide to be happy (or not). Nobody is causing you to feel down but you. Practice making the decision to be happy!

Oh, and it's all about the now, now, now. Don't be sad because of events past and don't expect the future to bring you happiness you deserve. You live in the now.

Make happiness the foundation of your life and the driver of all your decisions, then the rest will sort itself out. Promise!

I get what you're saying, and I do have things that make me happy, but it's hard to feel happy when you're sitting home by yourself on a Saturday night and you hear a group of guys and girls walking by and laughing, or you're at a bar and you see a cute girl flirting with her boyfriend. I spend most of my free time reading and watching movies, which are both things I enjoy, but I'd be lying if I said that it filled the void caused by my lack of close relationships.