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Originally Posted by Bene You don't have to debate what you believe. You don't have to prove to the world that something is right or is working for you or is resonating with you. If its true for you... its true for you.
In doing so alot of times we (atleast me) end up frustrated in trying to explain or proove something. I have given it up. I know that my life is my responsibility and everything else is not.
Just my 2 cents... it might help someone out. |
I concur, Bene.
(The following is not addressed to Bene alone, but to everyone in general)
Short version:
(If you don't like reading, the short version is for you.)
Overall, I think it's important to take note that people will believe what they want to believe based on the experiences they've had, regardless of what other people tell them or how ridiculous their beliefs may seem from the outside looking in (ie. other people looking at an someone elses opinions/beliefs/interpretations/experiences through their eyes). You may not agree with someone's subjective interpretation of an experience, but I think you'll find that there is little you can do about that. You can try to inform someone as to why you think their interpretation was inaccurate (based on
your experiences and beliefs), but understand that even if you succeed, it was the individual contrasting your information with their experiences and helping them to interpret their experience from a different perspective, not them thinking that the information you present is accurate. Without their experience(s), your information would be somewhat meaningless, or at the very least, not all that interesting or relevant to them.
It’s perfectly fine to express your opinion and tell someone that you either agree or disagree with them. But when you start getting invested in your beliefs/experiences to the extent where you feel you must defend them as if you are unable to live without them, or you feel that you must prove the accuracy of your opinions/beliefs/interpretations/experiences in contrast to the opinions/beliefs/interpretations/experiences of another, that’s when discussion degenerates from a healthy exchange of opinions and viewpoints/perspectives, into a battle of “truth” where the benefits of participating in such a discussion start to drop off and the undesirable negative side effects (frustration, anger, stress, doubt, etc.) start to increase. What would you rather have -- something you can learn from or use to improve yourself in some way, or something that makes you feel frustration, anger, stress, or doubt?
Long version:
(You’re not giving up reading just yet, are you? Only 926 words to go -- you can do it!)
Try to understand that it’s perfectly fine to have a differing opinion/belief/interpretation/experience to another -- that's what makes each of us unique, interesting individuals. If, after you have that understanding, all that’s required to participate in a constructive conversation or debate is a sense of detachment and the understanding that people are going to put more faith in their own experiences, regardless of what you or anyone else tells them.
If, on the other hand, you lack those things, you'll find that the discussions you participate in often loop around and never really get anywhere, and all you end up doing is going in a mental circle, wasting your time, and as Steve would say, "spinning your wheels" for no good reason at all. If you find yourself doing this, ask yourself what you are getting out of these discussions. Honestly take a moment to think about it.
Are you getting any good, actionable ideas or information that you can use to make improvements?
Are giving other people any good, actionable ideas or information that they can use to make improvements?
If you answer "no" to either or both of those questions, I would suggest you seriously reconsider the time investment you make in certain disucssions. If you knew you were going to die tomorrow, would you waste time arguing with other people, or would you go out and make the best of the time you have remaining and enjoy yourself? Even if you're not dying, doesn't it make sense to do that anyway, or would you rather have the words,
"Here lies <insert your name here>. He/she never accomplished anything because all he/she did was argue with people and try to prove to them that they were wrong" inscribed on your tombstone?
When reading/hearing about the opinions/beliefs/interpretations/experiences of other people, you are often dealing with incomplete information. You often don’t have the whole story that gives context and meaning to what the individual has to say, and trying to debate whether or not what someone says is accurate or not is largely a waste of time when you are missing a crucial point of information. For example, if I tell you that the sky is below me and the ground above me, you’d probably think that I’m either A) crazy, or B) wrong. But if that is the only thing I tell you, you aren’t working with very much information. For all you know, I could be standing on my hands and viewing things upside down, and from that perspective, what I said at the time
would be right. Sure, I may be standing on my head, but that doesn't make me wrong, does it? My statement may be more accurate if I presented more information, but if you use that as an excuse to try to disprove my statement, all you are doing is moving closer to a tombstone inscribed with the words,
"Here lies <insert your name here>. He/she never accomplished anything because all he/she did was argue with people and try to prove to them that they were wrong"
This is the very nature of perspective, and rather then trying to tell me off or say that I’m wrong when I make such a statement, if you are really interested in learning something and understanding why I’ve said what I have, take the time to intelligently investigate what I’ve said with an open mind, not quite investing 100% belief into what I’m saying, but at the same time, being open to the possibility that there may be some truth to what I say, even if you can’t see how that may be possible. Ask me questions instead of telling me that I’m crazy and/or wrong. The former helps you and anyone else who may be reading to understand what I’ve said; the latter fuels your ego and reinforces your perspective as if it’s the only, or one of the only perspectives that there is. If you believe your perspective is the "one and only", well, good luck to you -- I hope your tombstone inscription doesn't prove to be too expensive for you.
Finally, I’d like to add that if you find yourself shaking your head in disagreement or frustration with what I’ve said -- good! You have every right to. But don’t feel obligated to reply to what I’ve said and “prove” to me that I’m wrong and tell me my opinions/beliefs/interpretations/experiences are inaccurate based on your opinions/beliefs/interpretations/experiences, because you’d be missing the point of perspective and interpretation entirely. If you’d like to constructively point out what you think may be a flaw in my logic, please feel free to -- I'd love to have the opportunity to improve myself if I find that your observation is in fact correct. But don’t do such a thing thinking that you must prove something to me or anyone else, do it because you genuinely want to help me or someone else. If you feel you need to defend your opinions/beliefs/interpretations/experiences, ask yourself:
Why am I doing this?
Would I be better off doing something more constructive?
Could I be making better use of your time instead of typing out comments that are unlikely going to help anyone progress or improve and could even end up making people feel frustrated, angry, stressed, doubtful, etc?
Do I want my tombstone to say
"Here lies <insert your name here>. He/she never accomplished anything because all he/she did was argue with people and try to prove to them that they were wrong"?
Think about it.