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LordSappington · 01-01-2009, 11:34 PM

I'm 26 years old, and I totally here you. As you get older, it gets much, much harder to make friends. People get married and stop talking to their single friends, and people form these tight-knit cliques that are difficult to break into.

While I don't have all the answers, I can share with you what I have learned.

1) It's very hard to make friends at work. Where I work, most people are 20 years older than me or have children. We're just in completely different parts of our lives, and it's just not going to happen. Maybe where you work is different.

2) Craigslist is not as bad as it sounds for meeting people. I've met two pretty decent people on Craigslist, including the one who introduced me to people that ultimately got me invited to my New Years party last night. Yeah, most people there suck, but if you post or reply to strictly platonic and filter people based on how they write, you can find the decent people.

3) Religious organizations are very useful. They tend to be full of young people, and you all share something in common, or at least think you do. I'm not particularly religious, and after much pestering by an old college friend, I showed up, and much to my surprise, I discovered that many other people were not very religious either.

4) You can't make friends sitting at home doing nothing. You have to "get out there." For a long time, no one ever told me what that meant, but I'm beginning to learn.

Firstly, you have to leave the house, but that's not enough. For me, it was surprisingly hard to even get that step over with.

Secondly, you have to go where you'd meet people who could be your friend. For people our age, this often is bars, but not all bars attract the same crowd and some will be much better than others. But to be quite honest, most bars are a crummy place to meet people. You have to get involved in other things. Local "young professional" groups tend to be decent; don't be afraid to show up to a group that you have a marginal interest in and talk to them. In a big city like Boston, there are probably dozens of them, and you could likely go to a 3-4 events a week. People here have suggested meetup.com. I haven't tried it yet, but it looks promising.

Thirdly, you have to go to these events with the proper mindset. You have to be friendly and engaging. You have to have a sincere interest in the other people. But unfortunately, that's not enough.

Finally, you have to be able to bring those people into your life. This involves exchanging phone numbers, suggesting that you meet up, etc.

5) You have to be patient. You're going to fail. A lot. A lot of the places you go will suck, or the people will be nasty, etc. You can't let that drag you down. Once you find good people, you probably won't remember that anyhow.

I've been doing this for two years, with a little success. Not nearly enough as I would like to, but I've met a bunch of people who now know who I am, and I've met their friends, made some new friends, and gone of a few dates. Most importantly, I've been slowly learning how to work crowds and engage people.

Good luck.

01-01-2009, 11:34 PM	#2 (permalink)
LordSappington Senior Member Join Date: Nov 2008 Posts: 166	I'm 26 years old, and I totally here you. As you get older, it gets much, much harder to make friends. People get married and stop talking to their single friends, and people form these tight-knit cliques that are difficult to break into. While I don't have all the answers, I can share with you what I have learned. 1) It's very hard to make friends at work. Where I work, most people are 20 years older than me or have children. We're just in completely different parts of our lives, and it's just not going to happen. Maybe where you work is different. 2) Craigslist is not as bad as it sounds for meeting people. I've met two pretty decent people on Craigslist, including the one who introduced me to people that ultimately got me invited to my New Years party last night. Yeah, most people there suck, but if you post or reply to strictly platonic and filter people based on how they write, you can find the decent people. 3) Religious organizations are very useful. They tend to be full of young people, and you all share something in common, or at least think you do. I'm not particularly religious, and after much pestering by an old college friend, I showed up, and much to my surprise, I discovered that many other people were not very religious either. 4) You can't make friends sitting at home doing nothing. You have to "get out there." For a long time, no one ever told me what that meant, but I'm beginning to learn. Firstly, you have to leave the house, but that's not enough. For me, it was surprisingly hard to even get that step over with. Secondly, you have to go where you'd meet people who could be your friend. For people our age, this often is bars, but not all bars attract the same crowd and some will be much better than others. But to be quite honest, most bars are a crummy place to meet people. You have to get involved in other things. Local "young professional" groups tend to be decent; don't be afraid to show up to a group that you have a marginal interest in and talk to them. In a big city like Boston, there are probably dozens of them, and you could likely go to a 3-4 events a week. People here have suggested meetup.com. I haven't tried it yet, but it looks promising. Thirdly, you have to go to these events with the proper mindset. You have to be friendly and engaging. You have to have a sincere interest in the other people. But unfortunately, that's not enough. Finally, you have to be able to bring those people into your life. This involves exchanging phone numbers, suggesting that you meet up, etc. 5) You have to be patient. You're going to fail. A lot. A lot of the places you go will suck, or the people will be nasty, etc. You can't let that drag you down. Once you find good people, you probably won't remember that anyhow. I've been doing this for two years, with a little success. Not nearly enough as I would like to, but I've met a bunch of people who now know who I am, and I've met their friends, made some new friends, and gone of a few dates. Most importantly, I've been slowly learning how to work crowds and engage people. Good luck.