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Originally Posted by legend  set him free from the pain by telling him you are going to have one last and final discussion about this and at the end it will never be brought up again. |
...yeah, I'm not so sure about that part. His being available to talk to you about it when you are beset by anxiety might be one of those things I was talking about earlier when I mentioned actions you require of him in order to participate in the healing process. It's like a good faith exercise -- is he willing to take on your request? If he's not, then you'll know you're in this healing thing alone, and you can make choices about your relationship with that knowledge.
The thing is, as boldly as you may choose to trust again, there will likely be times in your future together that you wake up in the middle of the night freaked out, or you have a sudden jolt of pain when you run into the other woman, etc. If you've made a promise to him (and to yourself) never to bring up the situation again, you've made yourself a pretty uncomfortable bed to lie in, one that in my opinion is not reasonable and not conducive to healing.
When you say, "we'll never speak of this again," the subject tends to burn and glow like Pure Evil in the darkness of your psyche. You always have us here, and your girlfriends, to work through the bulk of your lesson -- you don't have to load it all up on him -- but to declare a Vow of Silence in the matter is to sentence yourself to feeling unheard and unknown. Creating that for yourself would be like wearing a big sign around your neck that you see every time you look in the mirror, and it reads: "I am Nothing."