Quote:
Originally Posted by The Cloud  I don't think that this has anything to do with the cheating. It's not trust of your BF that you're having trouble with, it's trust of yourself and your own worth. Even if you leave him, you will forever be open to the same pain of somebody else devaluing you.
You will NEVER find a human being that does not have the potential to cheat as a part of their being. That's the curse of humans being such powerful beings; the more we can do, the more we can do wrong. There is no potential for trust without potential for betrayal. What you need is not so much trust that your BF will never again cheat on you, but trust that you will not lose one iota of value if he does. Otherwise you will always be afraid of his ability to cheat, whether or not it ever manifests as a reality. He probably feels kind of like one of those mutants from X-men; he was born with all these dangerous powers, and is constantly being monitored just because he could be dangerous. It doesn't matter to the monitors whether or not he will, just that he might.
For you, he has become not a person, but rather a force that must be kept in check to prevent harm to yourself. You've reduced a human being to a single concept out of fear. What you need is not trust that he will not harm you, but trust that you will not be harmed even if you are  . |
Cloud, I can always count on your frank wisdom (and always wish I'd been so smart at your age, heck even now!).
I really like your X-men mutant comparison...very appropriate and really brings the point home. I haven't related to him as a person in three years, except for some moments when I've actually let my guard down. It's not easy to admit that, but I think it's really true. All the things I've been feeling I can imagine he feels too because I have not really connected.
I'm going to come back and read this one a few times as well so it can really sink in.
Thank you.