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Originally Posted by {aspiring_to_clarity}  but right now I just feel so heartbroken and not good enough. |
I don't think that this has anything to do with the cheating. It's not trust of your BF that you're having trouble with, it's trust of yourself and your own worth. Even if you leave him, you will forever be open to the same pain of somebody else devaluing you.
You will NEVER find a human being that does not have the potential to cheat as a part of their being. That's the curse of humans being such powerful beings; the more we can do, the more we can do wrong. There is no potential for trust without potential for betrayal. What you need is not so much trust that your BF will never again cheat on you, but trust that you will not lose one iota of value if he does. Otherwise you will always be afraid of his ability to cheat, whether or not it ever manifests as a reality. He probably feels kind of like one of those mutants from X-men; he was born with all these dangerous powers, and is constantly being monitored just because he
could be dangerous. It doesn't matter to the monitors whether or not he will, just that he might.
For you, he has become not a person, but rather a force that must be kept in check to prevent harm to yourself. You've reduced a human being to a single concept out of fear. What you need is not trust that he will not harm you, but trust that you will not be harmed even if he does
.