You don't need to be good enough. You don't need to be anything or do anything to have loving connections. Remember that.
It's hard when you're family is like that... very hard. I know, I've experienced the same. Don't resist the pain, let it be, and cry if you feel like crying. Don't think your family will change. In a way you are missing something (a whole, loving family) which you may never be able to find. It's like being born without a leg.
I'm just saying this hard truth because you have to see things as they are and accept them along with all the pain they bring. You've been given a handicap in the game of life. But that's okay. I was too, and it made me deeper and more compassionate than you could imagine. My curse was my blessing.
You need social contact, real social contact. Go and find it. Don't let the pain of your past stick to you and cause you to repeat your relationship patterns - release it.
As soon as you can, get out of the house and live independently. I can't tell you how important this was for me. Start finding relationships which reinforce your self esteem. If you seek them, and are ready for them, your angels will bring you together.
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