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Originally Posted by carenkh  Considering you just posted this: Quote:
Originally Posted by VetTechJess View Post
Take myself for example. I have no desire whatsoever to have any children. They are too expensive for me and I am currently taking medication which I would have to stop should I get pregnant which would in turn make my quality of life zero.
| I'd say counseling is first on the agenda. You won't magically get patience from being pregnant; it can make a difference that it's your own child, but I wouldn't count on that. From some of your posts on here about children, I hope for your child's sake you work on developing some empathy and understanding. |
Definitely get counseling. I've seen infants turn a woman's life upside down for women who planned a baby long in advance. I don't mean to scare anyone, but I've also seen where a parent who doesn't want a kid never bonds, and some kids die from shaken-baby syndrome.
One of my friends planned a baby without knowing what a baby really meant, she never bonded because she was so stressed out & tired, and now he's this forgotten doll that's picked up only at feeding time.
Definitely talk to your doctor
immediately about the medication. I had a friend who was taking a special psychiatric drug when pregnant without knowing the risks. Her baby was born with uncontrollable emotional problems. Little girl is now about 9 but is sullen and heavily medicated herself.
If you haven't already, get a prenatal exam ASAP. Most women take good vitamins including folic acid. If you drink, smoke, or use any recreational drugs, that's got to end completely until you're done breast feeding. Now is definitely the time to eat right and take extra care of yourself.
If you're not married, I might also suggest a heart-to-heart with the boyfriend. He is going to be in your life the next 18+ years
no matter what. Planning on moving, going off to school, or any other big changes? Expect to consult with him first. Nothing is totally your decision ever again.
Some topics that I might bring up with him, if I was in that situation: If he's not yet living with you, is he going to move in? How much does he expect to do of the baby's care? Is he ok with supporting you & the baby if you need to say home 3, 6, or 12+ months after giving birth? If something goes wrong and you're extremely sick during preg, is he going to be ok with supporting you financially?
How are both of your parents? Do you get along with his parents and him with yours? They will also be in your life for the next 18+ years as grandparents, like it or not.
Find out from your health insurance company about coverage. You may need to notify them within X number of days or do something special to get an infant added. A co-worker had a preemie and he was in the hospital for 2 months with extra care. If insurance isn't going to cover that, she will be required to pay tens of thousands of dollars out of her own pocket.
You asked for some things to decide:
- Breast feeding. See if you can find a good mentor or a "nursing mothers" type group. I'm a big believer in breast feeding. Also read up on infant feeding. I can't believe it when I see moms giving 6 or 12 month old babies bits of McDonald's burgers or a hot dog as their entire meal (WTF?!)
- Circumcision: a personal choice. I don't like it, but that's just my opinion.
- Prenatal care: everything you put into your body right now, the fetus absorbs. Stress in you can be bad. Eat right. I'm a fan of organic, in-season, and unprocessed. Folic acid = good. you MUST go to all the prenatal checkups. Learn what the ultrasounds show you, the gestational stages, etc. I don't know your age or situation, but if they want to do something like an amniocentesis, you should educate yourself on that too.
- Natural birth: address that once you learn more about the birthing process. It may or may not be right for you. Your doctor can advise you on any special risks or anything else to be aware of.
- Family history: have a heart-to-heart with your parents about genetic diseases (eg muscular dystrophy, cystic fibrosis and Huntington's disease). Your doctor may also discuss genetic screening as an option.
If mom is open to it, maybe she can also give you some advice on how childbirth was like for her.
- Get a good support network in place now. Extended family are going to be so important in helping you. Are your or his parents local? Get them really involved in this because you will really appreciate some help when he/she is born.