[David365]

A couple of years ago I made my own Christmas Crackers - I've just come across some of the jokes I used. Please add any "crackers" (its the way I tell them!) you get tomorrow..

Did you hear about the two ships that collided at sea? One was carrying red paint and the other was carrying blue paint. All the sailors ended up being marooned.

What did the fish say when it swam into a wall?
Dam.

What athlete is warmest in winter?
A long jumper.

Why are chocolate buttons rude?
Because they are Smarties in the nude.

How do you make a tissue dance?
Put a boogie in it.

What did the grape say when the elephant stepped on it?
Nothing. It just let out a little wine.

Why did the man get the sack from the orange juice factory?
Because he couldn't concentrate.

What did the inflatable teacher at the inflatable school say to the inflatable child caught holding a pin?
You let me down, you let your friends down, you let your school down but most of all... you let yourself down.

What's ET short for?
Because he's only got little legs.

"What's grey, yellow, grey, yellow, grey, yellow, grey, yellow, grey, yellow?
"An elephant rolling down a hill with a daisy in its mouth."

What did the brave stone say to the shy pebble? "You ought to be a little boulder!"