First off, bless you for sticking it out. The fact you've been so dedicated to her should be all the proof in the world of your love for her. It's so sad she refuses to see it.
I see this as HER problem. You're not saying unkind things to her, so all the negativity is coming from inside. She needs to start taking responsibility for her own happiness & confidence. She could read self-help books. She could invest her her appearance, career, or goals to give her things to be proud of. She could work through this with a therapist.
You cannot make her change if she is not ready to. Some people spent their entire life hating themselves and always seeking approval from those around them.
The best you can do is be supportive of her efforts to get help... and love her for who she is (which includes the annoying self criticism). Or you can decide this isn't making you happy and move on.
Best of luck to you.
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