I have been in the same position as you twice. The first was a relationship of a year and a half. I couldn't handle it anymore and had to end it. The 2nd was a relationship of 2 and a half years. That one ended for different reasons, but I'm still glad it ended because I spent so much energy trying to cheer up my girlfriend. Both times, I felt much lighter and had a greater sense of freedom once I got over the breakup.
I learned that if you love someone, you must accept every part of them. If they have a low self-esteem, that is who they are. The more you try to change them, the more you're resisting who they are. If you accept, she might change on her own... but don't count on it. Just love her.
I suggest that you either accept her for who she is and let it be, or accept that you are unhappy and cannot continue the relationship in its present state. It's all about acceptance. I feel you, and I wish you the best.
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