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Originally Posted by Riggs  My girlfriend and I have been together for just over 3 years now and, although I'm crazy about her, I've hit my breaking point with her self esteem issues and I really need some help. Although I love her and don't want to leave her, it's getting very close to that point.
For our first 2 years I tried talking "up" every time she put herself down. This was a constant battle, but I loved her and figured that with enough positive reinforcement she'd eventually begin to see the good in herself. Being far away from her dad should have helped as well, as he was the biggest contributor to her LSE.
After 2 years or so, I started to tire of the nonstop building and began to just ignore the self bashing. The past 4 months or so however, it's hit a point where my blood begins to boil every time and I just try to get away so I don't have to listen to it and don't start yelling at her.
We (had) a very solid relationship so I hate to give up on it, but counseling is the only thing left to try. The problem is that she's never expressed any interest in it, and if I broach the subject, it will start a whole string of "I'm stupid, horrible, worthless, everyone hates me's..." etc.
What really throws me is I've always believed in the "You can't love someone if you don't love yourself" school of thought, yet I don't doubt her love at all. Until recently anyways...
Now I can't help but wonder if it's nothing more than her learned nature (she's a "pleaser" as so many LSE people are) fooling me.
Help... |
Recently, I just broke up with my GF of just about a year. She has some LSE problems as well. It was more about her weight though.
It would get me mad as well when she would talk about it and such. I just wanted to shake some sense in her. I tried helping in many different ways but it has ultimately failed.
I've realized a few things. People either want help or not. She may verbalize that she wants help but she is just crying for love. Action will dictate true motives.
Look within. You are compromising your own standards with this relationship. It is obviously not a 'good' relationship since you feel the need to seek help.
It maybe time to move on.