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Just a question, but I'm curious if part of your attraction is the low self esteem, or rather, the fact that she will accept your judgements opinions ideas without challenging them? Relationships generate all of these patterns of thought and behavior that we don't realize are leading to the very issues we're complaining about. The very fact that you're here discussing and diagnosing your gf's issues... how would you feel if she were on a message board diagnosing and plotting actions to change you? I think the best place to start is usually with yourself, not with someone else's imperfections- find a way to live happily accepting her as she is, or else break up with her, because you're doing her no favors to stay while criticising her for low self esteem.
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No, I'm sorry but you're way off base in my opinion.
First off, I love being challenged. How can you grow if you're not challenged?
Second, if she were "plotting" as you put it, to help me change something I didn't like about myself, then I'd be very happy. That's the difference between people with confidence and those without. Those who are comfortable with themselves can take criticism, acknowledge it, and change it. Those without use the cop-out "you shouldn't try to change someone..blah blah".
I agree 100% that if a person likes something about themselves then nobody has any right to try to change it. If they hate that aspect of themselves however, and you don't try to help them, then you don't truly care about them. "You should accept and love this part of me that I can't even stand myself" is a cop-out for weak and lazy people. Sadly, it's the new battle-cry of America.
She is well aware of her LSE and she hates it. She doesn't enjoy beating herself up emotionally. She doesn't like coming home from work crying because of some people walking all over her. She doesn't like that the smallest criticism will force her to cry. She watches me handle adversity or criticism or stand up for my beliefs and says "I wish I could do that".
As for working on myself, I've done, and continue to, do that already. When I was 20 I realized that I didn't like my self image so I made a conscious effort to change my perceptions. By 23 I was a whole different person. By 25 I was quite happy with myself. Now at 31 I am extremely comfortable with every aspect of me. This isn't to say I don't have flaws, I have plenty, but life sure is great when you learn to accept your flaws. Plus, a lot of your "flaws' can actually be quite endearing to people. For instance, my gf is also fairly klutzy and I love it. It makes me laugh and I find it cute (well it's not so cute when she spills hot coffee on ME, but the rest of the time it is).
