Quote:
Originally Posted by Riggs  My girlfriend and I have been together for just over 3 years now and, although I'm crazy about her, I've hit my breaking point with her self esteem issues and I really need some help. Although I love her and don't want to leave her, it's getting very close to that point.
For our first 2 years I tried talking "up" every time she put herself down. This was a constant battle, but I loved her and figured that with enough positive reinforcement she'd eventually begin to see the good in herself. Being far away from her dad should have helped as well, as he was the biggest contributor to her LSE.
After 2 years or so, I started to tire of the nonstop building and began to just ignore the self bashing. The past 4 months or so however, it's hit a point where my blood begins to boil every time and I just try to get away so I don't have to listen to it and don't start yelling at her.
We (had) a very solid relationship so I hate to give up on it, but counseling is the only thing left to try. The problem is that she's never expressed any interest in it, and if I broach the subject, it will start a whole string of "I'm stupid, horrible, worthless, everyone hates me's..." etc.
What really throws me is I've always believed in the "You can't love someone if you don't love yourself" school of thought, yet I don't doubt her love at all. Until recently anyways...
Now I can't help but wonder if it's nothing more than her learned nature (she's a "pleaser" as so many LSE people are) fooling me.
Help... |
I don't know why LSE and people pleaser go hand in hand with me
I don't believe I was born like this -with LSE
it developed through my life
through my thoughts of never being good enough
for my mom and dad
later when a guy would break up with me
I would say
whats wrong with me ?
everything apparently would be my answer
or they would not break up with me
when you are told enough times or had it beaten into you
you tend to believe it
I believe she does love you
I believe that just because you are down on yourself doesn't mean you cannot love
I love my children
and would die for them
but I still feel bad about myself
I hope you get it all figured out
