You said that she said that she wants men "who know what they want".
If you don't give her the appearance that you are taking responsibility for your life she won't see you as a mature man who knows what he wants.
Children generally don't take responsibility for the results that their actions produce.
Now there might be some way of faking the appearance of taking responsibility, but it don't think that's the right way.
She thinks that you are responsible for the emotions that you produce in her. If you want to argue that her emotions are logically "wrong" you won't succeed.
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P.P.S.: Are these NLP assumptions about responsibility actually relevant in this case? I think I was talking more about the linguistics aspect of NLP... Or are you saying that all assumptions must work together in order to get a proper outcome?
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If you just change the words that come out of your mouth without changing your underlying attitude you will appear incongruent and you will be seen as trying to play games or being dishonest.
If you give the appearance that you take responsibility for your actions people around you will rather make decisions to depend on your actions.
Why should other people believe in your action or words, if you aren't sure of them yourself?
If you say "Feel happy!" and the other person completely believes in everything you say, he will feel happy.
Someone who doesn't believe you on the other hand won't feel happy because they have to take responsibility themselves for feeling happy.
Leadership is about taking responsibility. The goal of a language pattern is only to circumvent conscious objections to the way in which you want to lead another person.
A little story about responsibility:
In our last toastmaster meeting I was toastmaster of the evening and therefore had the role to lead the evening.
A mobile phone played some ring tone over 30+ seconds. It disrupted the evening and we paused for a moment to find the phone.
The owner of the phone turned it off and said: "I'm sorry that was my phone."
Afterwards I had to get back into leading the evening and said: "I'm sorry, it's my fault I should have told everyone at the beginning of the meeting to switch off their mobile phone."
You could make an argument that I wasn't responsible for the mobile phone but the phones owner.
Me taking responsibility brought me back into the center of attention and draw the attention away from the person whose mobile phone rang, which made it easier for me to continue to lead.
That also made the person who was embarrassed about the ringing of her phone feel better.
I also don't think that any person in the room was thinking bad about me because of it. They were rather thankful that I shifted the attention elsewhere.
That's what leadership is about, responsibility.
You seem to have a girlfriend that wants that you sometimes take leadership instead of a people pleasure.
Especially when it comes to the way you make her feel, you should take responsibility, because she doesn't want to be together with a boyfriend who doesn't take responsibility for the way he makes her feel.
Simply because you are her boyfriend, in her mind you are responsible for the way you make her feel. It's part of the relationship.