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Originally Posted by Brutha Actually that's what you are doing. You try to change her behavior by telling her an excuse.
You did something and got feedback. Your intentions don't matter as much as how your actions made her feel.
Rationalizing your actions through excuses won't help you. |
But Brutha, I am sure, 100% sure, that at certain moments I did things and said things without ever meaning to do or say them... they just came out of my mouth and I could understand my mistake only retrospectively.
On that particular day I was stressed, I didn't have breakfast, had slept only 2 hours, so I honestly doubt that
I was entirely responsible for my actions and words. However, I can say that I was responsible for not eating and sleeping properly, and if you're completely technical you could say that my carelessness for my own health automatically also made me responsible for making her feel bad.
What should I ask or do now, from an NLP perspective?
"How can I make her feel good now?" ?
Adding my knowledge about her, "How can I make her feel good without being a people-pleaser or coming through as detached/aloof?"
P.S.: When I talked about "excitement about her" I meant fear/anxiety. You know, like the first time you make love. I don't think it's a good quality. At all. From a non-NLP perspective, I think that was the cause of making her feel bad.
P.P.S.: Are these NLP assumptions about responsibility actually relevant in this case? I think I was talking more about the linguistics aspect of NLP... Or are you saying that all assumptions must work together in order to get a proper outcome?