You somehow have the idea in your head that people act based completely on their understanding of an situation.
Large parts of your own body language, voice tonality etc are driven by unconscious processes and by emotions.
Most decisions whether made by males or females are also driven by emotions. People later rationalize decisions to think that their decisions were "rational" instead of "emotional" but that's another point.
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For example, when I say, "Sorry I was really distracted on that day. I was so excited about your reaction that I didn't act spontaneously and because of that I probably gave you the impression that I don't care for you." she might think that I'm only inventing an excuse...
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Actually that's what you are doing. You try to change her behavior by telling her an excuse.
You did something and got feedback. Your intentions don't matter as much as how your actions made her feel.
Rationalizing your actions through excuses won't help you.
If you try to excuse everything you also give the impression that you have a "people-pleaser attitude", which seems to be one of the reasons she left you.
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...I actually meant "peace of mind" in the sense of my satisfaction with the outcome.
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From a NLP perspective you got in both cases feedback.
In both cases your actions lead to her breaking up with you.
In your mind there a difference because you would somehow be less responsible for your results if they come about by something that you didn't intent.
You don't want to feel the responsibility for producing her negative emotions but want to feel that your excitement about her (which you see as a good quality) lead to her negative emotions.