Personal Development for Smart People Forums - View Single Post - Recovering from harm I caused to other people

francstoic · 12-19-2008, 12:11 PM

I've recently been doing a lot of journaling about where I've been and what I've done.

I recently had a sort of breakdown when I recalled me being a very jealous, violent, and darkworker type of person in high school. Not only for academics, though... I even caused my really close and loyal friends a lot of harm back in those days (I remember stealing everything from notes to an mp3 player from them that I'd eventually simply dump somewhere else after using for some time). I even forced my first ever girlfriend to have sex with me on several occasions (by playing with her emotions) even when she was quite unwilling (and she had shown a lot of hesitation but she was quite loyal to me so she gave in).

How can I get over this? I have completely lost contact with those people since about 5 years, because I simply decided to get out of that situation and I moved to another country. I have no way of talking to them now. I have called up 3 of my closest friends back then and they just told me that that "chapter" of life is past now and don't wish to maintain any contact with me now.

How do I apologise to them? How do I heal that inner wound within myself that cries out daily asking me to apologise to them?

I would really love your thoughts on this.

12-19-2008, 12:11 PM	#1 (permalink)
francstoic Junior Member Join Date: Mar 2008 Posts: 22	Recovering from harm I caused to other people I've recently been doing a lot of journaling about where I've been and what I've done. I recently had a sort of breakdown when I recalled me being a very jealous, violent, and darkworker type of person in high school. Not only for academics, though... I even caused my really close and loyal friends a lot of harm back in those days (I remember stealing everything from notes to an mp3 player from them that I'd eventually simply dump somewhere else after using for some time). I even forced my first ever girlfriend to have sex with me on several occasions (by playing with her emotions) even when she was quite unwilling (and she had shown a lot of hesitation but she was quite loyal to me so she gave in). How can I get over this? I have completely lost contact with those people since about 5 years, because I simply decided to get out of that situation and I moved to another country. I have no way of talking to them now. I have called up 3 of my closest friends back then and they just told me that that "chapter" of life is past now and don't wish to maintain any contact with me now. How do I apologise to them? How do I heal that inner wound within myself that cries out daily asking me to apologise to them? I would really love your thoughts on this.