That's exactly what I mean.
Negative experiences/impressions she has about me:
- people-pleaser attitude, child-like attitude (she said she wants mature MEN "who know what they want")
- being mysterious, not answering questions (though probably she thinks that this is also immature, or thinks that I didn't answer questions because I was insecure)
- getting distracted during sex..., probably making her very frustrated about it (I don't know why, on that day I was totally out of myself! I really can neither explain nor forgive myself for that situation. I love her a lot and yet I told I wanted to have lunch while we were about to make love after a long time of inactivity...)
She never contacted me since the day she criticised me for the first time. And I've lost some of the courage to talk to her again. She never used the exact words "break up", but "I am drawing my own path of life."...
I think I might need a few more days to get back into a good mood so that I can talk to her without being overwhelmed by emotions and anxiety again.
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Originally Posted by Alexjstrandberg When you mean "wrong" what exactly do you mean? |
For example, all those mistakes I probably did out of distraction or anxiety or over-excitement, delirium.
I don't know whether they have anything to do with values and honesty, but the instincts that come unannounced. It's like doing a speech in front of a million people for the first time, you may have prepared everything and know what you want to say, but you are so overwhelmed by the "public speaking fear" that you actually say everything wrong, answer nonsense when someone in the audience asks you a question, etc.
A girlfriend has nothing to do with public speaking, but I think that quite often I had this kind of instincts whenever I wanted to impress her or was scared that I might not "behave the right way" in order to make her happy. And when I say "behave the right way" I don't mean moral decisions, but, for example, the color of my shirt (what will impress her most?), the food I choose, the correct sex position or technique to use, etc...
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Originally Posted by Alexjstrandberg How do you think you would handle it if she found someone new? would you be able to take the new boy friend? |
In that case I have few chances I guess. I would let her live her own life, let her make her own decisions. Yet, I would want her to understand that any of the misunderstandings that took place between the two of us were caused by the fact that I liked her a lot and sometimes got too distracted due to my overanalysis/anxieties/excitement.
Generally, I can't stand it when people stop talking to each other because of mere misunderstandings.
If she likes someone else, ok. I accept and respect that. But if she resents me for something I never meant to do to her, that's what I want to clarify (but I also want to make sure that she
believes me, so I must choose the right moment).
If she still likes the other guy after sincerely accepting what I told her and
believing it, then I can have peace in my mind.
What I am trying to do is simply reconciliate with her, so that at least we can "stay friends" (and I mean
real friends, not just acquaintances). I value her a lot as a person as well, and enjoyed her company also from a non-romantic perspective (talking with her about science, philosophy, current affairs... she was the best conversation partner I probably had in my life).