Quote:
Originally Posted by {aspiring_to_clarity}  I've hesitated to answer because I myself have put on 20 or 30 lbs since my SO and I have been together. For me, at 5'9", it's not a huge amount, althought seeing it in writing makes me cringe. |
I had to smile when I read this. Fact is, I put on about about 15 lbs myself in just a few months time. So when I first read your post, dominick, well, you already read my knee-jerk, gut reaction to it.
Have to put my foot down on this though, to me the amount of weight gain described simply is not a health issue, and you making it look like one feels dishonest to me. When I weighed so little I could no longer lean on my elbows nor lie on my stomach without hurting myself on my bones sticking out and my period had subsided into a trickle,
that was a health issue. Being a bit on the chubby side isn't.
That said, I still have to admit that I was honestly happier being that thin than I am now. For my own person I know why I put on weight, which was because I was feeling stressed out and scared and needed a safety buffer. And it
is calming and grounding to eat.
Unfortunately you can't help someone feeling insecure to feel safer by telling them that you disapprove of their present state of being. So I believe if your gf put on weight due to feeling a certain way like I did, adressing her looks will only make things worse.
Plus, the weight or the body of someone in general
is such a sensitive topic cause it's talking about the closest thing to the other soul, the very first expression of it. It is so close to the soul that often you have trouble even in making the distinction between yourself and your body.
And last but not least, on the practical side, I think you need to realise that you can't change another person to your liking by focusing on them to change, and especially not by putting your focus and energy on something you dislike about them.
The way I see it, you can love your gf as she is right now or you can leave her. I do think though that to love her as she is right now and focus on the best in her is the preferable and most beneficial course of action, cause I can see at least three options resulting from this: 1) she may change back to her original weight cause it is returning to her natural, happy state of being. 2) she may leave you to find someone who's a better match for you or 3) you may change yourself and no longer have an issue with it at all.