Thank you Andrew for sharing, you've inspired me to do the same!
Myy own story has some similarities.
I tried several times to run away from school in my first two years, and kinda suceeded in that I had to attend play therapy instead which was loads more fun. The play therapist's only opinion was that my teacher was unreasonable. I can't remember much from that time other than refusing to go to school in the morning and screaming and crying a lot. I think I also didn't want to sleep by myself and would scream and cry myself to sleep but I'm not really sure what age this started although it stopped before around the age of 7/8. I remember counting cars outside my window in the early hours (I could see a road that was surprisingly busy at night). I think that at the age of 7/8 when my parents moved house and I changed schools a part of my personality was drastically altered. I think I became intensely more introverted and more reclusive and I was constantly thinking. I also emulated adults and thought I could only figure out how to 'do' life if I was old enough.
I also fought with my sister a lot but I was very violent. Technically I could say I learned this from my parents, as my dad would slap us if we were bold. My mom says that this started the day my sister was brought back from the hospital when I pinched her cheek. I have no idea why I felt such antipathy towards her but this sadly continued until the age of 13 when we moved countries and shared a room and then actually talked to each other.
When I was in the second primary school, even though I had been outgoing and more of a ringleader in my previous school, I found it hard to make friends. Most days just felt as if I was constantly doing the wrong thing and embarrassing myself. I remember a few occasions I'm particularly ashamed of. I had to do a project on dinosaurs with a girl in my class. When I went over to her house one day to finish it we argued about the cover, I then refused to complete the project and we had to sort it out with the teacher. Over the next week or month I'm not sure, I insulted her horribly. She was very, very skinny, and I said that her mother must have smoked when she was pregnant for her to be so skinny, and things to that effect. I remember hitting her with my bag at one point. I think my teacher noticed this and tried to talk to one of us but he wasn't someone who understood children so I don't this was effective.
I don't think my parents were open emotionally, and I think I preferred my grandparents because I was always able to hug and kiss them without them trying to stop me. And they were the only ones who told me they loved me. My parents have tried now and then but they say it in a very sarcastic jokey, manner as if they believe they should but are embarrased. I know they love me so I feel a bit ashamed saying this about them now.
I also found out about sex young, and recieved extremely conflicting messages, especially since I attended catholic primary schools. This led to a lot of masturbation from the age of 12, to the extent that it was pretty much my number 2 hobby, after watching tv.
At secondary school in England, my main shame was that I constanly had headlice. My mother would get so angry and frustrated but me and my sister would refuse to treat our hair, we always hated the treatments and breaking and tugging of hair for them only to come back again the next month so we would just ignore the fact we had headlice. I think we only really dealt with once and for all when I was 15. (We had had them for 5 years. We used coconut oil in case anyone's wondering) Now that I think about it, it's either slightly weird that we've never got them back again since, or we were the main infecter in our area LOL. As you can imagine though that lead to poor self-esteem and most days not even brushing my hair.
Doing my alevels was a step up and a step down, I felt like the entire school system was a complete sham but I couldn't see anyway out, i made some more friends but still struggled with low self-esteem and got very depressed and didn't attend a third of classes. I slept and slept and slept an awful lot and refused to talk to teachers or parents. Although I knew I felt like this and hated school I felt ashamed talking about it or reflecting on it because I felt like I was making it up.
That's as much as I can really articulate at this point. Thanks for letting me share.