The Twin Peaks Method
Everyday, once a day, give yourself a present. Two cups of good, hot, black, coffee.
Develop a taste for low calorie drinks, and make them hot, this will limit the amount you can consume at one time. Learning to savor foods, establishing the habit of drinking hot beverages slowly, will transfer to how quickly you eat your food. Consider having days where you only drink good, hot, black, coffee. Buy exotic coffees, play with the flavors, make your own brews, try the
super expensive excrement coffee from Indonesia! (Ps. Its delicious)
Exercise:
Take a powerful
long lasting hallucinogenic substance each day. With your hallucinating caffinated brain congure up daemons, monsters, and humans to battle against. Fight your enemies with your new found powers or run from them with your new found ability for super speed! Cowering in fear burns 100 calories per hour if you tremble enough, as well, peeing your pants will have you sprinting back home for a fresh pair. If you are arrested for fighting a snowman, chasing invisible monsters, or offending the pope, take this time to inform the police that you never intended to hurt president Nixon, it was the sock puppets fault afterall, besides the 8 headed hipogirafasaurus said it was a good idea, and he was the one who told you about the leprechaun invasion in the first place! During your impending questioning by the police, take time to struggle violently, scream, and tremble as much as possible. Don't forget, they are really blueberry chimps from the center of the moon anyways, and aliens don't have feelings.