Personal Development for Smart People Forums - View Single Post - Breaking up with my girlfriend! Please help me out!

frntk · 12-17-2008, 07:35 PM

I would appreciate if you could give me some help in this situation.

I've been with my girlfriend for 18 months. I've been interested in personal development for a few years now and really love the idea of growing as a person. As a consequence of this, the "improve your self" has been a common theme in my relationship with my girlfriend.

When I met her, I really liked her and enjoyed her company. We hang out together in college and get to know each other. I learned that she had been holding back her life (at least that seemed like to me) because of fear. I tried to help her in the best way I could, and we became closer.

Eventually, we were "officially" a couple. From the start we had some troubles because our relationship was not approved by her mother. At 2 months she was willing to give up because her mom was pushing her to do so. We talked about it and I let her know that I had faith in her and that she could stay with me and we would work it out together. We stayed together.

However, this "not mom-approved" situation continued. To a lesser degree, but it continued. We had our share of discussions because of this. Sometimes we could not do whatever we wanted because her mom won't let her. I should note that we are both 23 now, but here in my country things usually work that way.

Somehow, we managed to get to 18 months together, but I'm very frustrated and unfulfilled with this relationship. So I talked to her about this, and this is where it gets worse.

Last night we talked about this, I explained to her how I felt and that I was considering breaking up, but I wasn't sure. It was a crisis. She told me that she believes that all this is her fault and that she always makes mistakes and ruins what she loves. She started to get very negative and even talked about her life having no more meaning at all.

My intention when I talked to her was to share my feelings, but now I feel guilty. I think now it was a mistake to tell her I was considering breaking up. It felt like I was making it all unnecessarily painful for her.

I don't know what to do now. I have many fears about this. Any comment you could make will help me clear my mind.

Thanks a lot.

12-17-2008, 07:35 PM	#1 (permalink)
frntk Junior Member Join Date: Nov 2006 Posts: 16	Breaking up with my girlfriend! Please help me out! I would appreciate if you could give me some help in this situation. I've been with my girlfriend for 18 months. I've been interested in personal development for a few years now and really love the idea of growing as a person. As a consequence of this, the "improve your self" has been a common theme in my relationship with my girlfriend. When I met her, I really liked her and enjoyed her company. We hang out together in college and get to know each other. I learned that she had been holding back her life (at least that seemed like to me) because of fear. I tried to help her in the best way I could, and we became closer. Eventually, we were "officially" a couple. From the start we had some troubles because our relationship was not approved by her mother. At 2 months she was willing to give up because her mom was pushing her to do so. We talked about it and I let her know that I had faith in her and that she could stay with me and we would work it out together. We stayed together. However, this "not mom-approved" situation continued. To a lesser degree, but it continued. We had our share of discussions because of this. Sometimes we could not do whatever we wanted because her mom won't let her. I should note that we are both 23 now, but here in my country things usually work that way. Somehow, we managed to get to 18 months together, but I'm very frustrated and unfulfilled with this relationship. So I talked to her about this, and this is where it gets worse. Last night we talked about this, I explained to her how I felt and that I was considering breaking up, but I wasn't sure. It was a crisis. She told me that she believes that all this is her fault and that she always makes mistakes and ruins what she loves. She started to get very negative and even talked about her life having no more meaning at all. My intention when I talked to her was to share my feelings, but now I feel guilty. I think now it was a mistake to tell her I was considering breaking up. It felt like I was making it all unnecessarily painful for her. I don't know what to do now. I have many fears about this. Any comment you could make will help me clear my mind. Thanks a lot. Last edited by frntk; 12-17-2008 at 08:34 PM.