[Alexjstrandberg]

Originally Posted by TektonikShift

The traditional answer will probably be: by not being a people-pleaser and learning how to be less insecure and more confident, authoritarian, etc.
But success might not be guaranteed... Is there really no NLP-shortcut, as in for speed seduction and all those other things everyone seems to use so successfully?

No there is no short cut or easy way to become more confident and not be a people pleaser. It took you x number of years to become who you are today and it won't take a five minute a day exercise to change who you have become.

The few success that people have using short cuts have the placebo effect going on. Anything worth having in life doesn't come easy.

You were aloof with her and demonstrated a lot of nice guy behaviors like apologizing and not taking the lead.

Aloof doesn't work in relationships. It works in attracting a woman but it's fake aloof if you are doing it to get women more attracted to you. It's the art of caring about not caring. Being aloof with a reason.

Aloof behavior pretending to be confident will draw in the same type of girls. They will be aloof or be riddled with a couple of emotional issues.

On apologizing:

Unless you intentionally did something to upset her don't apologize. To know if you did something "wrong" you need to know if you stuck to your core values like honesty and integrity. If your honest answer upsets her, don't apologize because her being upset is not about you. It's about her inability to handle the truth.

Saying sorry is a habit that you need to overcome. Be aware of it and stop yourself before the words leave your mouth.

On leading:

THE ONLY PERSON YOU CAN EVER LEAD IS YOURSELF. This is very key to keep in mind when you developing the masculine leadership side of yourself.

When you try to get others to follow, you are basically asking them if it’s ok with them if you took control of the situation. You are essentially looking to them to let you lead.

When this happens THEY are the ones who are in the lead because at any time they can stop letting you lead and do their own thing.

A TRUE LEADER leads without needing any follows. He doesn’t mind if people go in the direction that HE CHOOSES but he DOESN’T NEED them to because he would do it anyways.

He knows what he wants in life and doesn’t care if people want to go down that direction. He doesn’t manipulate or control them into going where he wants to go, he simply goes WITHOUT PERMISSION from others.

A true leader goes without the approval of the pack. It takes courage and strength to push beyond group mentality because as humans we fear losing approval of others (it’s hardwired into us). Ironically, this type of leading will get people to follow you the most.

In order to properly lead you MUST first KNOW where you want to go in life. You must know what it is you want to accomplish. Without that knowledge it is doubtful you will ever get anywhere-you will end up wondering the sea without a port for an eternity.

Here is an exercise to develop leadership:

Next time you are in a group of people or with a friend and you want to cross the street or go into a store, DONT say anything and just do it. Don’t look back to see if they follow you, just keep walking.
If they don’t follow you become comfortable with the uneasiness that comes when you stray from the group.

Take this exercise and do it ALL of the time. When you are at a club and you want to dance, just go dance without asking anyone else or checking to see what everyone else is doing.

Apply the reverse as well. If a girl or your friends want you to go dancing with them but you don’t really want to, DON’T.

On insecurities:

"I am enough" that affirmation will help you get out of your head when dealing with your insecurities. The mind is an insecurity producing machine. It will continue to produce fears and doubts regardless of what you do.

The best way is to get out of your head. That affirmation will help you get out of your head and relax. Try it out next time you feel insecure.

I am enough is the opposite of insecurity. It means that I am complete and whole just the way I am. I don't need anything outside of myself including approval, validation etc.

This affirmation will help greatly with your neediness.

Fears and insecurities go hand and hand. Figure out what you are still scared of and conquer them. The only way around a fear is through it. You can't think or NLP your way around a fear. Get some courage and handle your fears.

Your confidence will dramatically improve with every fear that you push through.

As well, speed seduction is a cute band aid for the problem, not a real solution. It will cover up your insecurities and your issues for a while but it will never truly fix them.