This is an unfortunate situation, but certainly not beyond correction and healing.
Don't beat yourself up and further because you've done everything you can. I think, whether your husband realizes it or not (and he probably doesn't), he's playing a little power game with you. In some way he likes seeing you squirm a bit, if only to make up for the hurt he feels you've caused him. That's one of the reasons he won't stay at the base. He wants to punish you until he feels it makes up for what went on.
If I were you, I would continue to be as nice and pleasant as you can to him. Do whatever you can to take care of yourself. Try to eat well, exercise and get as much sleep as you can. If you feel good physically, you will start to feel better all around and he'll notice that his actions aren't having the same effect on you any more. There's a good chance that this will be enough to get him communicating and the two of you can work on re-building your relationship.
Life is too short. Every moment is precious and we never know when it will be the last.
All the best to you!