Personal Development for Smart People Forums - View Single Post - What do women find REALLY unattractive in men?

driven1 · 12-17-2008, 04:12 AM

I'm reasonably well-off, and generous to my friends & family, but I would NEVER, EVER date a woman who wanted me for my money. I suppose this is a good filter for both of us.

I suspect that most guys wouldn't mind the occasional tribute, however.

I suspect most guys are completely fine with this.

Look, I completely understand the buy-her-a-drink dance. I just think it's an unhealthy reinforcement of harmful sexual stereotypes (the man provides the money, the woman provides the sex) and I decline to play. This has the bonus side-effect of weeding out women who are locked into that mindset, such as yourself. I provide my value to women in other ways: personality, conversation, confidence, intelligence, empathy, excitement, love, sex, etc.

Again, let's turn your scenario around:

Say you (fitx3, in this case) walk into a café, club or any other establishment where men are hanging out and you notice an attractive man looking in your direction. If he is giving you clues that he's interested, BUY HIM A DRINK! Or at least offer to get him something else. I'm not saying you should be a chump and buy all his drinks, no. The key is to be sure he's interested in you first, then invest in a $5 drink to make him feel that he is special enough to be provided with a "gift." If you can't afford a $5 drink, then maybe you should try meeting men in other places like the grocery store or a museum.

Do you see the problem here?

If I won't consider dating a girl unless she buys me something first to prove she's interested, what kind of narcissistic jerk would that make me?

Sometimes, early in dating, a girl *will* buy me things to get me to like her -- flowers, expensive meals, even jewelry... and to be honest it sorta breaks my heart that they think they need to do that. I just want to say, "Baby, I like YOU!"

So perhaps you can understand why some guys take umbrage at the idea they need to buy a girl something to start a conversation. But this thread is about what women find unattractive in men; I'm sure there really are plenty of women who genuinely are repulsed by men who don't buy them things. So... let's add that to the stack. Thanks for your reply.

12-17-2008, 04:12 AM	#72 (permalink)
driven1 Member Join Date: Jun 2008 Posts: 55	I'm reasonably well-off, and generous to my friends & family, but I would NEVER, EVER date a woman who wanted me for my money. I suppose this is a good filter for both of us. I suspect that most guys wouldn't mind the occasional tribute, however. I suspect most guys are completely fine with this. Look, I completely understand the buy-her-a-drink dance. I just think it's an unhealthy reinforcement of harmful sexual stereotypes (the man provides the money, the woman provides the sex) and I decline to play. This has the bonus side-effect of weeding out women who are locked into that mindset, such as yourself. I provide my value to women in other ways: personality, conversation, confidence, intelligence, empathy, excitement, love, sex, etc. Again, let's turn your scenario around: Say you (fitx3, in this case) walk into a café, club or any other establishment where men are hanging out and you notice an attractive man looking in your direction. If he is giving you clues that he's interested, BUY HIM A DRINK! Or at least offer to get him something else. I'm not saying you should be a chump and buy all his drinks, no. The key is to be sure he's interested in you first, then invest in a $5 drink to make him feel that he is special enough to be provided with a "gift." If you can't afford a $5 drink, then maybe you should try meeting men in other places like the grocery store or a museum. Do you see the problem here? If I won't consider dating a girl unless she buys me something first to prove she's interested, what kind of narcissistic jerk would that make me? Sometimes, early in dating, a girl will buy me things to get me to like her -- flowers, expensive meals, even jewelry... and to be honest it sorta breaks my heart that they think they need to do that. I just want to say, "Baby, I like YOU!" So perhaps you can understand why some guys take umbrage at the idea they need to buy a girl something to start a conversation. But this thread is about what women find unattractive in men; I'm sure there really are plenty of women who genuinely are repulsed by men who don't buy them things. So... let's add that to the stack. Thanks for your reply. Last edited by driven1; 12-17-2008 at 05:14 AM. Reason: fleshed this out... a lot.