Thank you for the various responses. It is all very difficult bc i love this man.
I did end up meeting with him and we talked for so many hours. In some regards i do understand why he is saying what he is saying. He is not a mean jerk... i do agree with what several of you said-- he thought he was able to handle it, however once in the situation for several months he felt overwhelmed by them and torn as to what to do.
My niece and nephew are sweet kids... have great hearts. I love them (obviously). They do have some issues, however as their auntie and the person who has cared for them since they were toddlers I am have a much higher tolerance for it. They are my family.... my love for them helps me to deal with nearly anything they are going through.
In May 2008 he was aware that i was seeking a boarding school environment for my nephew. My nephew is a real sweetheart... however in addition to that he also is significantly unmotivated, hyperactive, and irresponsible when it comes to school and taking care of himself. He was giving me soooo much trouble that i knew as a single woman working a full time job that i wouldn't be able to give him what he needed to get it together.
I visited a boarding school and decided against it bc i felt like a failure as a parent if i didn't do this myself... so he didnt go.
Of course my boyfriend remembers all of that and my frustration and all the work that goes into keeping him on track and told me that although he loves me he doesn't have that type of connection to devote much of his home life keeping my nephew on track. He told me that he is also concerned because my nephew is 12 and of course puberty is coming up and so he will be interested in girls and independence soon which will likely make my current situation even more difficult.
I have a dilemma.... no matter what i am concerned with my ability to give my nephew what he needs...... esp if i continue to do it all by myself. Thing is... do i look like a bad guardian if i look at boarding schools again for him. It would not be for both kids.... since my niece doesn't need that type of guidance.
Do i look like i am giving up my kid/nephew for a man? I don't want to hurt anyone... however i don't want to be hurt either. I DO know that i have given them love and a life they would not have had. For a period of 6 yrs i didn't date at all bc they were really young and as a single woman with no support system i just wanted to focus on them. However, i want to make the right decision for him (nephew) and ME.
The other thing is cost.... these places are about 40K/ year. It would likely be my bf footing the bill.... you know what.... this may be a mute point due to financial demands alone- bc if my nephew were to go to a boarding school i would need it to be top notch and luxury so that he feels comfortable.
IDK.... i am sure i now sound like a selfish person to you all.
Any comments.
Jessie
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