[arena2]

Hi everyone...

My name is Jon and I haven’t been on the forums in a while. To sum things up in a nutshell I was very depressed on occasion due to the loss of my mother two years ago. I have been a lot better but I still feel like I need something else to help me. Something else, being a serious relationship with that special woman.

Some background history of me, I am a very nice person, not because I am a stuck-up cocky person who thinks he is nice and is really not, just because that is my view on life, and I know how I am towards my many friends, and they tell me all the time. I will hold that door open for you because I believe it goes such a long way. I believe in the little things like that because after my mother’s death, negativity just didn’t seem like something I could handle anymore, so I just always try to please people even though I know I never can please everyone.

Ok so I have no problem making many, many friends. I can be friends with anyone, and I will be friends with anyone. I love to help and be friends with as many people possible because I guess I am just a very easy and nice person to get alone with, and also it fills my void where I believe I would love to get into a serious relationship with that special woman someone. I usually get walked on for being so nice because I will do anything for anyone because sometimes I just can’t say no. I have been told many times about me learning that I should say no, and I have been learning but I still try to be as nice as possible.

I feel like my problem is that I do not try hard enough to find someone. I see all of my friends with someone, right after they broke up with their ex. Or even friends that never had a gf, suddenly meet the person of their life. When I sit here and say that, I really am not that shy, I used to be, but I don’t believe I am very shy anymore. I am when I see a very attractive girl though, but I just tell myself that she is out of my league and then I guess I have the confidence to talk to her. Also, in another sense I am not looking for an immature high school relationship with someone. I am not fake and I am 100 percent straight forward with everyone while being the nice person I am. I really want to meet someone who cares about me because all of these relationships I see to just honestly end up failing, well like 60 percent of them. I just don't want to act like something I am not. I have been getting advice from all of my friends for years but I feel like they are telling me to be something I am not. Honestly I am being who I really am right now and I have been that same person for the past three or four years, and nothing has come my way. I have talked to many girls but none of them seemed interested. I mean I haven’t asked them to dinner or anything, and I feel like I could ask them if they seemed like the person I was looking for but I feel like I haven’t come across that person yet. Everyone I like also seems like they always have a boyfriend. Ok many what I am getting at is that I am picky.

I tried to look past being picky recently with this girl that I actually felt something with. The only problem was that she had a boyfriend and things went working well with them. I thought I had something since he was a complete jerk and she I knew needed better, but she didn’t want that. She told me that I caught her at the wrong time and it just wasn’t going to happen. After that I just feel like I am choosing and possibly even looking for the wrong things, I feel like that maybe I am too picky and that I will never get anywhere with who I believe I am looking for. It just kills me waiting for someone to come along me way, but that’s what I feel like is the best thing to do because when I go looking, things just never seem to work out for me. I honestly feel like this is the one thing that will bring me out of my depression hold that I have been climbing out of for the past two plus years because of my mother’s death. I just want someone to express my feelings to when I feel like no one is there. I don’t know what to do anymore because I always contradict myself and I over think everything constantly. I feel like a very complicated person and that my self esteem is being hurt because of that. What in God's name should I do...lol whew this is long....