Personal Development for Smart People Forums - View Single Post - How to re-ignite romance after a break up/being dumped?

TektonikShift · 12-13-2008, 02:00 AM

"Love never dies a natural death. It dies because we don't know how to replenish its source."
Anaïs Nin

I think the question in the title may come through to many as provocative, or at least childish, a waste of time, inexperienced, immature... impossible! No matter how hard you try and how many approaches you attempt, social norms, behavior, unwritten rules and the experience of most people alive seem to suggest that whenever a romantic relationship ends, it will hardly ever return to life.

I am 22, male, a college student, and I recently re-discovered some inspiring books that I read while at high school and living with my parents. Just some basic, introductory, books about NLP that were enough to overwhelmingly improve the quality of my life, especially at studies, but also in thinking beyond societal differences when relating to other people.

I browsed through some of the pages shortly after my girlfriend dumped me and, in a blast of inspiration, wondered whether all the optimistic methods hailed in NLPs' and other similar concepts/attitudes/philosophies of self-improvement I am aware of (e.g. Law of Attraction) are actually as powerful to re-ignite romance between two people who broke up (or one of whom dumped the other), and to bring them back together.

While my immense inspiration is battling against experience, rationality, common sense, awareness of social norms (and everything I expressed in the first paragraph), I am a person who will experiment before drawing conclusions.

In theory, law of attraction emphasizes that good expectations will lead to good outcomes. In theory, positive communication with rapport, well-tailored speech patterns and anchoring good feelings can help eliminate or at least reframe bad ones (e.g. if the ex-partner associates you with bad memories). In theory, flexible communication can pierce through resistance and mismatchers (e.g. when one of the parties insists on severing the relationship forever, or is convinced that the grass is greener elsewhere).

How can we apply those concepts (and others you might know of – not only NLP and LOA!) in practice, especially when much of the outcome will also depend on what goes on in the mind of the other person and on the people surrounding that person?

If you know any case studies or have any personal experiences in which you managed to take full responsibility and act in order to truly bring back romance after a break up, feel free to share them!

Thank you! :-)

12-13-2008, 02:00 AM	#1 (permalink)
TektonikShift Member Join Date: Dec 2008 Posts: 42	How to re-ignite romance after a break up/being dumped? "Love never dies a natural death. It dies because we don't know how to replenish its source." Anaïs Nin I think the question in the title may come through to many as provocative, or at least childish, a waste of time, inexperienced, immature... impossible! No matter how hard you try and how many approaches you attempt, social norms, behavior, unwritten rules and the experience of most people alive seem to suggest that whenever a romantic relationship ends, it will hardly ever return to life. I am 22, male, a college student, and I recently re-discovered some inspiring books that I read while at high school and living with my parents. Just some basic, introductory, books about NLP that were enough to overwhelmingly improve the quality of my life, especially at studies, but also in thinking beyond societal differences when relating to other people. I browsed through some of the pages shortly after my girlfriend dumped me and, in a blast of inspiration, wondered whether all the optimistic methods hailed in NLPs' and other similar concepts/attitudes/philosophies of self-improvement I am aware of (e.g. Law of Attraction) are actually as powerful to re-ignite romance between two people who broke up (or one of whom dumped the other), and to bring them back together. While my immense inspiration is battling against experience, rationality, common sense, awareness of social norms (and everything I expressed in the first paragraph), I am a person who will experiment before drawing conclusions. In theory, law of attraction emphasizes that good expectations will lead to good outcomes. In theory, positive communication with rapport, well-tailored speech patterns and anchoring good feelings can help eliminate or at least reframe bad ones (e.g. if the ex-partner associates you with bad memories). In theory, flexible communication can pierce through resistance and mismatchers (e.g. when one of the parties insists on severing the relationship forever, or is convinced that the grass is greener elsewhere). How can we apply those concepts (and others you might know of – not only NLP and LOA!) in practice, especially when much of the outcome will also depend on what goes on in the mind of the other person and on the people surrounding that person? If you know any case studies or have any personal experiences in which you managed to take full responsibility and act in order to truly bring back romance after a break up, feel free to share them! Thank you! :-)