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Old 12-11-2008, 04:18 PM   #2 (permalink)
SupersecretIdentity
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At first glance, the thing that really stood out to me, is that you are treating these guys like girlfriends. I'm sure its probably pretty natural for you to get touchy with your girlfriends, but to guys that has a COMPLETELY different connotation. The vast majority of guys do not touch each other unless it's a handshake, high-5, or the very occasional man-hug. When you touch a guy, he immediately starts thinking you are attracted to him, which either engages his animal brain or weirds him out because he sees you as just a friend, or is already involved with someone else.

It's totally fine to have male friends as a female, or female friends as a male, but you have to respect the gender differences. Pretending they don't exist is a recipe for disaster. I have plenty of female friends, but when I hang out with them, it's to hang out. We don't have a cry/big emotional session about x, and we don't talk about picking up chicks/lifting/etc. We keep our friendship on common interests. You also need to be very clear about the nature of your friendship. If you are strictly platonic friends, act like it. If you are just there to hang out, that's fine too. The last thing you want to do is send mixed signals (and getting touchy one night then just acting like buddies the next is sending mixed signals).

Now, it might just be my experience, but I find that the type of friendship usually takes on the role of female friendships OR male friendships, whichever tends to dominate. Usually, the male-friendship style seems to dominate. I don't know if this is just the type of girls I choose to hang out with or me projecting a stronger frame, but the vast majority of girls I hang out with are "one of the guys." There are probably plenty of more feminine guys that can be "one of the girls" but it will probably be far less common.
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