Honestly, I don't understand why everybody seems to find my story so funny. Can't you see how much pain a kid must have to do such a thing?
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Originally Posted by missing  But you can't really blame yourself when the feelings of self-righteousness do not go away with time. |
Hmm.. but I don't think it was "right" of me to do it. I don't feel sorry for it, doesn't mean I think it was right. I guess I don't feel sorry because I still have some of this old pain in me, preventing me from being compassionate.
Even when I did it back then, I didn't feel it was "right". I felt very weak and needy and wanting to be loved. I also felt humiliated that those kids forbade me to join them and have fun with them, and then gave me the money to bring away, like to a footman. I was angry when I threw this money away, for me it was a way of swearing: I WILL get out of this weakness and till then I'll have this debt hanging over me.
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Originally Posted by Matt Willard It feels good to feel that something ended fairly, that you got the last laugh. |
Where did it end fairly? Those kids never knew I had thrown it away. They thought the charity had gotten it. So for them, the show was a success and they did a good action. And those who needed the money (and who never did anything to me) didn't get the benefits from it. As for me, I didn't get the last laugh. I still was feeling weak and needy and wanting to be loved, and the other kids still mobbed me just like before.
No, I really don't see where this is a good revenge.
It feels more like something I did against myself than like something I did against them.
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Originally Posted by seeker5 Wonderful, so sharing it on here has helped then remove those negative feelings from it, just in a different way then you expected!  |
Yes. I realized after writing it down that what I was feeling ashamed for was my past weakness and neediness that I also was ashamed for as a kid, not the stealing itself. This made me angry, I thought "How dare I be ashamed of what I am (or once was)?!!
" So I sent some Love to Teenager Rose, hugged her and told her she's loved no matter how needy and weak she is. Now I don't feel ashamed anymore.
I still think I can only give the money back when I'll be able to let go of all this old pain. I'm not there yet. But I have a debt to remind me of this task
Getting rid of the shame was a good thing. So, thanks to all for listening, and thanks to Steve for this article. I don't hate you anymore now Steve