I understand Parthon.
Rockchick, it's really hard to connect with you. There are many posters in this thread who gave you awesome advice, but you stick to your guns and never even try out their point of view. Funny is that almost all of the posters in this thread are pointing at the same direction, each in his / her own words.
Now, I don't say you have to follow up on the advice here, but you're the one asking for it, isn't it? Change will only come when *you* are ready to change. When you have changed yourself, your reality will follow.
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