Fascinating post.
0. I'd suggest getting curious about the way you are framing your experience. Is there a more helpful frame to incant over and over?
1.
Could you improve your metaphor? Your dominate frame/metaphor for this experience appears to a be a exhausting battle, struggle, conflict. This frame by definition dooms you to consequences of that metaphor, enemies, victory, failure, loss, pain, conflict, tragedy, etc. Given that metaphor, your feelings make perfect sense. War is hell, you seem to be learning that very well.
You are obviously able see it through that lens of a struggle and that's a an interesting way to look at. It will teach you many things but may not be your best choice in terms of generating happiness and fulfillment.
I wonder what would happen if you considered a more empowering metaphor...instead of a battle, it could be gentle dance, a challenging game, rewarding practice. With a more empowering framing metaphors, you'll find better results. Metaphors I find helpful in various situations are.. Life is like a university, garden, river, dance, wrestling match, parade. The implications of changing metaphors can be vast and your entire perception shifts to squeeze into your new way of looking at it.
2.
Create your epic quest - You can go one step further and create an epic quest out of your situation where you are the hero and then determine how that story will play out and where in that story you are now. Joseph Cambell's Hero's Journey stuff can be very helpful. Some helpful, empowering quest archtypes you can adopt are The Quest (think Luke Skywalker), Stranger in a Strange Land (Think Planet of the Apes), Rags to Riches (think Steve Pavlina, Anthony Robbins and most self-help guys).
3.
Consider the universe may be working perfectly from the tiniest quark to the grandest galaxies. It's interesting that despite all that perfection, part of you keeps telling the rest of you that something is wrong with both the situation and 'yourself'. Try starting from the premise that the universe is working perfectly, it can't not. You're part of that. There are no problems, just people thinking troubled thoughts.
4.
Play with the NLPers tool of Parts Integration - What is this part of you trying to teach you? What is its positive intent for you? How is it trying to help you? What does this part need to learn. Helpful tool, lots of info online.
5.
How will you know when this is no longer a problem?
6.
Be grateful - you're in great shape, you've got your attention on improvement, are surrounded by helpful people and diligently growing. There is nothing wrong, it's just what some learning feels like. Get the message, pass the quiz and grow into the next game.
If you want the harsh version it is this...
You're only problem is the story you keep telling yourself.
Change the story and you'll change your experience.
If you insist on clinging to the 'exhausting war, something is wrong, I'm flawed story' you will continue to struggle predictably.
Then when you deeply get that, you can realize even that wasn't a problem, but a very valuable lesson from a perfectly functioning universe and your evolution is right on cue.
Your frame is everything.
You control the frame.
You are right where you are supposed to be.
Hope this helps!