Glad you liked it!
A couple more points...
It is normal for guys to clam up and get defensive when you are confronting them with their failure to please you. My guy does that too. If you want him to open up, try telling him how wonderful he is.
On self-harm, it may not have been comfortable for you with him ignoring you when you did that behavior, but it was probably the best thing he could have done. Otherwise he would have been giving reinforcement to a bad behavior. You might even still be doing it. So thank him for that sometime.
BTW, DH and I will be at 10 years this March.