[Rockchick26]

Originally Posted by JSB

So guys who are attracted to you want sex, dating, whatever. They don't want to wait "months", because it's too much hassle, or they think you're playing games, or it's just easier to go for someone else they are also attracted to you. They probably don't know you well enough to want to wait for you.

I wish men were more like women this way. See when i meet a guy i am attracted to,i would wait YEARS! And i have,i waited 15 years for my best male friend to like me back,he even said we'd end up together "someday"...LIAR!

Guys who know you well and value you as a friend are likely not attracted to you in the first place. If they were, why would they torture themselves by being "just friends"?

Well i guess i am more tolerant to this "torture" then,since i am willing to wait years LOL

The guy friends who have crushes on you probably come across as needy or desperate, so you don't want them.

My guy friends NEVER have had a crush on me. They've all either turned out to be gay or already had girlfriends. I've never once had a male friend who was straight and single.

You need a friend who slowly falls for you over time, as you do for him. Or, you need a boyfriend who is patient and understanding. (Obviously, you know all this already.)

Yeah. Preferrably i'd like the first option LOL I had a boyfriend who was patient and understanding and he waited over a year until i was ready to have sex (although we did fool around in other ways,a few months after we met). But the whole time i felt like i was just there to please him. Nothing was pleasing me. I realize now i didnt really love him (or even like him all that much) so maybe thats why i was never truly ready to fool around. I just feel like i don't want something right away,i have to build up my feelings which help me want it,and if i feel forced to do that too quickly,it ruins the whole thing for me. Maybe it's the thrill of the chase that i need,although i would want it to be more like he isnt running from me but we just take a bit longer to hook up.

Are you physically affectionate with the men you date? Even if you don't want sex right away, are you cold and blocked off, or open and warm? There are plenty of men out there who will wait for sex, but very few (non psycho-stalkers) who will persevere in the face of (apparent) cold disinterest.

No i am not cold and blocked off,i hug,hold hands,cuddle,i just dont want to kiss or get sexual until i'm ready because i know once you kiss,then its like a snowball effect and it just picks up speed and goes faster from there! So in order to be ready when that happens,i need time to make myself want it,so i don't like to kiss guys until i'm ready. But the problem is,most of them kiss me anyway,knowing this,and then it totally ruins it for me and i start to feel like they were just after one thing the whole time. So when i tell a guy i like to make the first move and i dont want to kiss until i'm ready and then he goes and does it anyway,BIG NO NO! To me those are the types of guys who would force me into sex if i didnt want to do it.

I wonder if you are attracting/pursuing the wrong kind of man, or if you are unintentionally driving away those who are a good fit for you.

Well most men are the wrong kind of man for me I mean,i need a guy who can be friends first and who lets me make the first move (after a few months),and from the sounds of it there aren't too many like that. Also keep in mind how picky i am,and the odds go down real fast. It's no wonder i'm single.

Have you asked friends or family you trust how they perceive your behavior re: dating? Right now, your view is from the inside out, and it might be helpful to get some third party feedback to understand how others see the situation.

Other people tell me i'm just too picky I already knew that though. But i dont see how that is anything i can help. I am not going to suddenly find someone attractive who is the complete opposite of what i like (which would be 90% of guys then). I also am not going to change my morals (the whole waiting thing,needing to be ready,etc.)