My partner and I have been together for ten years this coming January. Not married, no kids, but very much in love.
The problem is that he has some problems, but will not discuss anything with anyone. I dont know what's manifesting inside him, but it certainly doesn't feel positive.
I have LOTS of very small issues that continue to bug me.. and I'm not sure if it's me being a picky virgo bitchface or if it's him.. I think it may be both.
One of the major problems though, is that I feel if he's not going to open up, then I would rather move on because I'm sick of having to guess what is up with him.. and I dont ever know if I'm right or not.. coz he just clams right up.
Here's some of the things I complain about..
- Dinner - I cook every single night.. and wash up.. and he just leaves his plate on the kitchen bench, lounge or table with the scraps still on it. I've started leaving it.. but it disgusts me.
- Washing - I've asked him to wash his own clothes, but to seperate mine out because he always ends up leaving the washing in the machine for days and it ends up stinky and ruined. He has asked me if I see washing in the machine, to put it in the dryer... but I have enough to do let alone checking on his washing.
- Feeding and Caring for our Cat - this doesnt happen unless I ask.. he never even checks our Kurt's water.. this makes me think that God hasn't blessed us with a child because if anything ever happened to me.. my man would not be in a position to care well for a child, both physically and emotionally. He's never lifted a turd out of the litter box, I know that much.
- When I try to discuss any of these kinds of issues, I get The Clam, or the Angry Man that Flew off the Handle.
- Rent Money - He pays now without me having to ask, but he pays for rent only... I put the utilities in his name so he would pay them, as I pay for all of the household groceries, catfood, cleaning products etc.. so paying a couple of utilities is fair (I think).. but he's never paid them. He gave me $100 to pay the gas bill, but I spent it because thats what he did to me with money I gave him to pay my car registration once.
I want him to learn but he's just not getting it..
There are plenty more little things that bother me.. and sometimes I feel I would be better on my own, but I really truly feel he is my soulmate. The way we ended up together is an incredible story... but his personal development is not progressing.. whereas I have come from being an abusive bitch who would yell at everyone in the house the minute she got home from work.. to a calm, supportive and loving partner. Part of the abusive flair ups was because of many "small-ish" issues...
I also used to self-harm, and I recall back then, rather than him trying to get me to open up.. he would say he's leaving unless I stopped it..
Maybe I have a male dependency issue??
I really want to fix him, but maybe he doesnt wanna be fixed?
I'm at a loss as to what to do next.. There are so many other small issues.. I've tried to explain to him that it's the multitude of small things that stick together and become one major issue.
Sorry for the long post!