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Parthon · 12-04-2008, 07:34 PM

I have to agree with what JSB and everyone else is saying.

This is some straight-up, whacked-out crazy talk! :P

You want a guy who you've just met to like you for you, but get to know you before he finds you sexually attractive, but at the same rate you do. Unfortunately, it doesn't work like that. Most guys will decided if a girl is attractive or not within 10 seconds of seeing her, and it will stay that way. If you want a guy to slowly become attracted to you, it's not going to happen. I agree that you will want to avoid the overly eager ones, but even then, the guy you will want as a boyfriend will be physically attracted to you to begin with. Otherwise, you have the choice of a male who is: repressed, a great liar, and/or just not attracted to you. If you meet a guy who is attracted to you, wants to get to know you better and is open and honest, then yeah, he will admit that he wants to have sex with you. It won't be all he cares about, but he will mention it. How guys show they are willing to get to know a woman before sleeping with them is by not pressuring them for sex, strange as it sounds. But, also remember that guys having a much higher sex drive might not consider constantly asking as pressure, but you might.

In the end, it's not about changing who you are, or about giving up your values. They are important to you and to dismiss them would be detrimental. The idea is to learn the rules of the game and how to play. Just like music, where you have to learn notes, scales, keys and chords to be able to play, there are similar rules in life, unwritten but ubiquitous rules that govern how people interact. If you don't want to learn and follow those rules, then in the arena of romance you'll sound just like that 5 year old kid randomly plucking guitar strings and making an awful racket. People who are in happy relationships were either really lucky, or, more likely, learnt the rules. Luck cannot be relied apon, but there's always learning and work to get there.

There are many, many friendships that become relationships, but in every case, the guy and girl would have found each other attractive even before they were friends. Most of the time the friendship would have just happened by chance, and then evolved into love. It's great when that happens, but it's also very rare.

For me, I find myself in the same position though. I want to meet a girl whom I can cherish and honour, someone to share hopes and dreams with. Not just another person, but a companion to be with, together. In the end, it's what every intelligent person really wants.

Also, don't "reply" to this post. You can say you read it, but don't answer to it. I've noticed that when I read what people have said and "respond", I've only just "dealt with" the subject, I haven't really absorbed it. When I can't or don't respond, then the messages I read linger longer. Instead of spending the minute writing a response, just reread it and think about the message. See what else you can gain from it.

12-04-2008, 07:34 PM	#86 (permalink)
Parthon Moderator Join Date: Dec 2006 Location: Perth, Australia Posts: 1,356	I have to agree with what JSB and everyone else is saying. This is some straight-up, whacked-out crazy talk! :P You want a guy who you've just met to like you for you, but get to know you before he finds you sexually attractive, but at the same rate you do. Unfortunately, it doesn't work like that. Most guys will decided if a girl is attractive or not within 10 seconds of seeing her, and it will stay that way. If you want a guy to slowly become attracted to you, it's not going to happen. I agree that you will want to avoid the overly eager ones, but even then, the guy you will want as a boyfriend will be physically attracted to you to begin with. Otherwise, you have the choice of a male who is: repressed, a great liar, and/or just not attracted to you. If you meet a guy who is attracted to you, wants to get to know you better and is open and honest, then yeah, he will admit that he wants to have sex with you. It won't be all he cares about, but he will mention it. How guys show they are willing to get to know a woman before sleeping with them is by not pressuring them for sex, strange as it sounds. But, also remember that guys having a much higher sex drive might not consider constantly asking as pressure, but you might. In the end, it's not about changing who you are, or about giving up your values. They are important to you and to dismiss them would be detrimental. The idea is to learn the rules of the game and how to play. Just like music, where you have to learn notes, scales, keys and chords to be able to play, there are similar rules in life, unwritten but ubiquitous rules that govern how people interact. If you don't want to learn and follow those rules, then in the arena of romance you'll sound just like that 5 year old kid randomly plucking guitar strings and making an awful racket. People who are in happy relationships were either really lucky, or, more likely, learnt the rules. Luck cannot be relied apon, but there's always learning and work to get there. There are many, many friendships that become relationships, but in every case, the guy and girl would have found each other attractive even before they were friends. Most of the time the friendship would have just happened by chance, and then evolved into love. It's great when that happens, but it's also very rare. For me, I find myself in the same position though. I want to meet a girl whom I can cherish and honour, someone to share hopes and dreams with. Not just another person, but a companion to be with, together. In the end, it's what every intelligent person really wants. Also, don't "reply" to this post. You can say you read it, but don't answer to it. I've noticed that when I read what people have said and "respond", I've only just "dealt with" the subject, I haven't really absorbed it. When I can't or don't respond, then the messages I read linger longer. Instead of spending the minute writing a response, just reread it and think about the message. See what else you can gain from it. __________________ Your life is yours. Eric Spain - a (rarely updated) personal journal of growth and discovery. Last edited by Parthon; 12-04-2008 at 07:37 PM.