Well since everyone else is sharing their secrets, I'll share mine.
When I was 18, I had a nervous breakdown and attempted suicide. I was attending the very same college where my mother, sister, grandmother, aunt, and a few cousins had graduated from. I didn't want to attend this particular university, but felt obligated to since it was a family tradition. I had very few friends and was deeply depressed. I felt trapped.
I then transfered to a university that was as far away from my family as possible. However, I ended up spending more time with my sorority sisters than I did studying. As a result, I was on academic probation by the end of the semester. To this day I don't regret failing in school because I needed to have fun and make friends. It was the first time in my life that I had ever felt accepted by my peers and I really needed that.
Next, I moved to Boston and start taking classes again. It was also at this time that I discovered I was gay, but unfortunately as I was really ashamed about it, I continued to date men. I had a few crushes on female friends, but I never acted upon them.
Finally when I was 23, I started my first serious relationship with another woman and it lasted for a year. However, we were not well suited for one another. She had a very strong emotional bond with her best friend and it made our relationship a difficult one. In addition, I was not emotionally open with her because I knew she would be judgmental towards me. We ended our relationship pretty badly and I have not seen her in 4 years.
Afterwards, I fell in love with a friend of mine (I don't know why!) and she helped me get over my ex. I felt so inspired by her that I decided to do something more with my life. As a result, I quit my job and started my own business. It was at this time that I started reading books on personal development. Then after three months my business failed, I went broke, and lost everything. I was forced to sell all my belongings and move out of my apartment. Later I found out my friend was not gay.
After living with friends for six months, I had to find a job and a new place to live. I was getting deeper into personal development and felt that a job would ruin my newfound bliss. However, the pressure to do something with my life was so intense that I decided to join the Marines
Because I felt like a worthless failure, I mistakenly believed that the military could help me get myself together. Thankfully luck intervened and my military application was held up for two weeks because of an undiagnosed heart condition. It was during this waiting period that I started having second thoughts about my decision. When I was finally approved to become a soldier, I decided not go through with it and instead decided to take a chance on myself, even though I had no idea how I was going to survive. I was 25 years old, alone, had no possessions, and zero money. One thing I did have though was faith and a vision.
I decided not to find a job nor a place to live because all I wanted to do was learn about myself. So for two years, I was purposely homeless just so I could have as much free time as possible. I slept in hospital closets and lobbies, public bathrooms, deserted hallways, homeless shelters, and anyplace else that was safe.
Miraculously not once did I ever go hungry or sleep outside in the cold. I always had food, clothing, and shelter. I even made new friends and found time to volunteer with the United Way. I was homeless and volunteering, go figure
As I had so much time to do nothing but study, I read about a hundred books and listened to loads of audio material. And as I still had nice clothes, most people had no I idea I was homeless, to them I just looked like the average college student.
Everyday I went to the public library and studied. In 2006, I discovered Steve's blog and started listening to his podcasts. That summer I landed a job and started saving money, though I was still homeless at the time. Then that job led to another one and finally I got an apartment. I suppose you could say my life became "normal" again.
Now after two years of having a "normal" life, I'm shaking things up again. Though I have a good job in high-tech marketing, I'm leaving it to go work for myself. I have no desire to continue to promote products I don't believe in, it really sickens me.
I made the mistake of believing in a false sense of security (money, a job, apartment, material things). I got sucked right back into the social conditioning I ran away from when I consciously decided to become homeless. I forgot what I had been through and why. The comforts of the status-quo kept me blinded from the truth
Today I'm proud to say that I'm resigning from my job in 60 days and have already attracted a client for my new business. I'm not worried about going broke or failing this time because I've already been there. If it happens again, so what. As long as I'm doing what I love, I'll find a way to get back on my feet. At this point in my life, the scariest thing I have ever experienced was not being homeless, but being dependent on a job for my survival!
I hope this story helps someone. Send me a PM if you have any questions
