[striving4peace]

RockChick, please do not stereotype the whole gender. It's not the most constructive approach.

Those women are in the bar for the same reason too - to possibly get lucky tonight and mostly to find a suitable mate. But because of the way our brains and social conditioning work - it's the men who want it more and the women who get the power to select and choose. I read somewhere that the male human brain has 7 times the number of neurons related to sex as the female brain does, and even if it weren't true - honestly I just need one word to explain the reason most men are so aggressive when it comes to sex: Testosterone.

From Freud's perspective the mind has 3 parts: the ego, super ego and the Id. Some men allow their Id's desires to run free - many of them are the ones bar-hopping. Others have a strong ego that allows them to control and channel their sexual energies. And on the other extreme opposite, we have some people who have a strong super-ego - who repress or suppress their urges due to moral, social, or some other reason.

But you cannot generalize all men to be some sex craving beast. It's true we all have that component in us, but we are more than one - or even the sum of all our parts.

And personally speaking, yes - I do care a great deal for my women friends - and not because I want to have sex with them. At times I have taken care of them and I never expect anything in return.


Speaking now on the issue, one thing I've learned since the attack I had a few days ago is the amount of torture we have to endure because of the conflict of the Id and the super-ego. I'm going to just use the term 'ego' here from now.
The painful feelings that come with the thoughts "I'm a virgin", or "I haven't had enough sex", or "I haven't had enough partners" is just one way the ego is trying to torture for not getting the lofty ideals it wants for your life. According to your ego, you should be one virile stud (or one hot momma who guys are drooling after) and the proof of that would be one very active sex life/history. It could be proof to your ego that you've lived a full life, or that you're at kinda normal and at least equal to everyone else, etc.
Works the same way how having a fancy car or piles of cash work for some men, or how kids and a husband work for some women. On the surface it can be said that they've wrapped thier self esteem and net worth to these things, but the more accurate way of saying it is that the ego needs these things to validate your life.
Like Tolle said - we look to our past for identity and our future for fulfillment - thus neglecting what we truly are and have.

Steve wrote about the war on ego, and I don't agree with his approach. But then again, he has a point - a point I did manage to find in the core spiritual / philosophy texts while looking for material on this: the ego cannot be separated or vanquished. It's a part of us that can't be gotten rid of. The war on ego is pointless because it tries to destroy something that can't be destroyed.

But then what is the solution? As of now I believe it is Awareness and Detachment.