Personal Development for Smart People Forums - View Single Post - How to help someone get rid of their clutter?

Rose of Cairo · 12-02-2008, 12:32 AM

Hi all,

I'm currently helping my mom to get organized and to transform her very full and messy house into a neat, clean, pleasant place. I taught her my time-management system and now we're cleansing the house step by step, sorting all the clutter out and reorganizing everything.

I'd like to precise that she explicitely asked me for help in this, so it's not like I want to push my views on her... We defined a goal together and are now working toward it. She's also very happy about it. And very proud. And shows it to others, and says "Look how neat and beautiful!". She says she feels much better in a decluttered space and has more energy. So she's glad about our work despite of all.

The problem I'm having is that it's very difficult to get her to get rid of the clutter. She has hoarded incredible amounts of totally useless stuff with no particular place to store it. Even if we invented a fixed place for each item, the house would still be too full and too small to contain all this clutter.

Unfortunately, she has a very hard time letting go of these things. I can feel her resistance and fear very well when we go through the stuff and decide what to keep and what to give away. She says it's such a waste. Most of it we donate or give to be recycled. Still, she can't bring herself to let it go. It takes ages till we're done with hesitating and arguing over keeping this or that or not. She always says it could be useful some day, etc. She even has several transport boxes full of packaging material for the case that some day she might need to send a package... When we have managed to sort everything in one place and I'm carrying stuff away, she goes back and takes things out of the "exit" box again!

I have no experience with such issues, as I'm not attached to objects at all. It's difficult for me to understand it. I try not to put any pressure on her, and simply to be lovingly present and let her time, but I admit that sometimes it really irritates me. I see it as my mission to get the clutter out of the house, which is what she explicitely asked for, and now she resists what herself asked me to do...

We don't get much done this way. Nevertheless, it's emotionally very exhausting for me. I feel very, very tired when we're done with one small closet.

Does someone have experience with such issues? Could you explain to me how such a person thinks and feels about their clutter? When I ask her, I get rational answers like "it's such an ecological crime to throw this away" or she just looks like a little kid whose teddybear you're trying to throw away. How can I make her feel safe enough to gently bring her to get rid of her stuff without it being such a drama for both of us?

Thanks!

12-02-2008, 12:32 AM	#1 (permalink)
Rose of Cairo Family Member Join Date: Jul 2007 Location: France -> Germany -> France -> Brazil Posts: 3,430	How to help someone get rid of their clutter? Hi all, I'm currently helping my mom to get organized and to transform her very full and messy house into a neat, clean, pleasant place. I taught her my time-management system and now we're cleansing the house step by step, sorting all the clutter out and reorganizing everything. I'd like to precise that she explicitely asked me for help in this, so it's not like I want to push my views on her... We defined a goal together and are now working toward it. She's also very happy about it. And very proud. And shows it to others, and says "Look how neat and beautiful!". She says she feels much better in a decluttered space and has more energy. So she's glad about our work despite of all. The problem I'm having is that it's very difficult to get her to get rid of the clutter. She has hoarded incredible amounts of totally useless stuff with no particular place to store it. Even if we invented a fixed place for each item, the house would still be too full and too small to contain all this clutter. Unfortunately, she has a very hard time letting go of these things. I can feel her resistance and fear very well when we go through the stuff and decide what to keep and what to give away. She says it's such a waste. Most of it we donate or give to be recycled. Still, she can't bring herself to let it go. It takes ages till we're done with hesitating and arguing over keeping this or that or not. She always says it could be useful some day, etc. She even has several transport boxes full of packaging material for the case that some day she might need to send a package... When we have managed to sort everything in one place and I'm carrying stuff away, she goes back and takes things out of the "exit" box again! I have no experience with such issues, as I'm not attached to objects at all. It's difficult for me to understand it. I try not to put any pressure on her, and simply to be lovingly present and let her time, but I admit that sometimes it really irritates me. I see it as my mission to get the clutter out of the house, which is what she explicitely asked for, and now she resists what herself asked me to do... We don't get much done this way. Nevertheless, it's emotionally very exhausting for me. I feel very, very tired when we're done with one small closet. Does someone have experience with such issues? Could you explain to me how such a person thinks and feels about their clutter? When I ask her, I get rational answers like "it's such an ecological crime to throw this away" or she just looks like a little kid whose teddybear you're trying to throw away. How can I make her feel safe enough to gently bring her to get rid of her stuff without it being such a drama for both of us? Thanks!