Quote:
Originally Posted by pyrogen  I've seen surprisingly little writing on this subject, so thought I'd bring it up...
I'm a recovering fantasy addict....I used to spend a whole lot of time playing RPGs, and I was involved in the world of science fiction fandom. |
I went through a period of several years where I was heavily involved in various book and media fandoms before finally breaking away. I didn't play RPGs, but I know exactly what you're talking about.
Quote:
|
Most of us were not very successful in any part of our lives and the activities we did just took up all of our energy, yet they became addictive and we couldn't quit....The friends I met through this were very negative forces, and more invested in fantasy than in personal growth/success.
|
Yes. I can think of a couple of people I knew who were genuinely successful in their jobs, but for the most part fandom was filled with very bright underachievers who used fandom as a substitute for the kinds of lives they longed to lead. I used it like that for a while--I fell into it during a period of great stress, when I didn't know what I wanted to do or where I wanted to go next. I could be "successful" in fandom; other people in it liked my work. But eventually I had to leave; it was a dead end down a dirt road as far as any sort of personal or professional growth was concerned.
For me, the moment of truth came after witnessing some stupid, petty behavior on the part of a fandom acquaintance, and then getting into an argument with someone who was defending it as perfectly okay. That's when I finally asked myself, "Why are you wasting your time, talent, and effort on these people? You know this is a waste of time; why are you still here?"
Quote:
|
For the first time I feel a lot of space from the addiction, but i'm aware I could always get sucked back in... when I meet old gaming friends invariably we start talking about our characters and I get triggered to obsess about my characters again.
|
Keep replacing it with other activities and other friends that help you become who you really want to be. Let more and more time lapse between meeting up with your gaming friends. One day, you'll look at them and it will be like talking to aliens from another planet; you'll wonder how the hell you were ever friends with them in the first place. That's when you'll know you're finally over it. It takes time, but it will happen.
Quote:
|
Now I have a lot of mainstream things I do - exercise, dog-related stuff, the like... I write *fiction* but I'm able to find more balance with this, somehow writing a story/novel is a different mental process from gaming, and it has an eventual end point.
|
Maybe because writing fiction is a solitary activity, that tou have to make yourself do, whereas RPGs are social and it's easy to just go along with other people? And yeah, having an end point no doubt helps, too.
Quote:
|
There's some extent to which I still feel different from the rest of society because of having *been* a fantasy addict... I don't know how I would ever explain my past to some people.
|
Hahaha! I look back, and all I can think is OMG I WAS SUCH A DORK I AM SO EMBARRASSED...
Quote:
|
I wasted my teens, entire 20s and first part of my 30s being a fantasy addict.
|
But you've stopped. You're not stuck in it now. And you never have to be again, if you don't want to.
I knew people (mostly women) in their 40s and 50s who were totally addicted to fandom, and had been in one form or another for most of their adult lives. A few of them were really good writers, and could have had careers writing their own stuff--but instead they were wasting their abilities on fanfiction and online RPGs.
I decided I wasn't going to be like that. You've decided you don't want to be like your gamer friends. And the great thing? We don't have to. We can be anyone we want to be.
Just keep moving forward. It's okay; you'll be fine.