Reciprocation is a very powerful tendancy in human beings (check signature). However, I believe that the step to a higher level of consciousness (Joy and Love, for one) requires letting go of those beliefs and accepting that you love others regardless of what they have done to you. And realizing that they are human, and their circumstances have brought them where they have.
Simple 1-1 reciprocation is not a bad thing, and it's often a more empowering set of beliefs than "let others walk all over me", however an even more empowering belief is learning to love everyone regardless of what they have done to you. Because anger comes from hurt. And it is the ego that is hurt. Learning to move beyond the ego is an important step in that respect is very important. It is the abundance mentality applied to love and caring.
That may not be a step everyone is willing or ready to take, but I would like to say it's a more empowering one. I'm adopting it now under a great deal of fire, so it is possible and it is more empowering.
Hsiang, seperating your real self from a mask for your family is something I did for a number of years, without really being aware of it. It has ended badly when they found out more abuot myself.
I am also reminded of these two blog entries:
http://www.stevepavlina.com/blog/200...ficult-people/ http://www.stevepavlina.com/blog/200...-perspectives/
For myself, I redefined the problem of controlling my emotions as an spiritual one w/ the help of The Power of Now and A New Earth by Eckhart Tolle. And I redefined the actual issue with my family as a communication one. I am still dealing with the consequences of having a mask, so I would strongly suggest openly speaking to them about the situation. They may very well appreciate your honesty.
I've found that in life, sometimes you have to ask yourself the question: What is the way that requires the most discipline, the most hard work and the most courage?