@Phinax - there's really nothing to be ashamed of or even hurt about. On some level, it just is. The point of this thread is that we all do stuff...every single one of us and we're all doing the best we can.
When I was about 7 years old, my parents would hire this male babysitter, a teenager, to watch my brother and me. He would always put my brother to bed first, then start cuddling with me. That progressed to kissing, then fondling, then outright molestation. All this happened over the course of 6 or 7 nights. Why did I put up with it for so long? Even at 7, I knew it wrong. Because I liked it. It was about the only attention I got. It was certainly the only physical attention I got. And it made me feel special. Finally I got very angry with the babysitter one night, pushed him off me and hid under the bed. He seemed puzzled by my anger. but it never happened again. We moved shortly after that.
As an adult I've met many, many people, men and women both, who have experienced a sexual encounter as a child with an adult. You are by no means alone.
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