Quote:
Originally Posted by funchy  It's not that women hate broke guys. It's that women have a hard time respecting someone who can't take care of himself. It would turn the relationship into more of a mother-son, where she takes him everywhere in her car, pays for things, and looks after him.
It can also be a sign of deeper problems. If he can't hold a job, he might have emotional or behavioral issues that make him a poor candidate for a boyfriend. |
That's the main issue. Taking care of one's self, and being emotionally healthy. I also think, being intentional.
And there are also people who have money (usually temporarily, due to a windfall or inheritance, unless they're trust-fund babies) but AREN'T intentional, nor are they responsible. I've known these people too.
I have known plenty of broke guys who are/were very sought after by women. The guys I know who are broke but are living some sort of intentional life, all seem to have no trouble finding girlfriends... I know plenty of bohemian/artist type guys who have girlfriends. They usually have something else to contribute to the relationship besides material goods or buying the women things; for example, they make women feel special by writing a song for her, they are attentive parents or good listeners, they paint a picture of her, cook fabulous meals, and/or they are wonderful lovers. The women they attract are the women for whom this kind of attention is love currency.
And I've known guys who were stereotypically successful who were just awful, too; they think their money is all they need to offer and they don't cultivate any other characteristics besides being financially successful. Then these same men complain that women are only interested in their money - it's their own fault because they didn't develop any other attractive traits!!
But also in my experience -
When you're the one who's more "together", you don't really want to play mentor to another person for more than a limited amount of time. You don't want to be someone's job counselor and life coach. This isn't the same as supporting a stay-at-home spouse/parent, or being with a partner who is in a professional school program (say, med school).
And when you're just as "not together" as the other person, it's a disaster. It's really a struggle when you have TWO people in that situation, and neither is able to give each other a hand up in any fashion. I'm not saying that the hand up only comes from one direction. That my most recent ex and I were a match in this department, is because we weren't struggling in the same places (he is more stable but I am more socially successful) and we were strong in the other person's weak areas, but it was *equal*. He was really able to help me get stable.
And when you're the one who's less "together", oftentimes the other person has some kind of vested interest in keeping you that way.
When you're not "together" it's not a powerful place from which to enter a relationship, and when you *are* "together" it's hard to get your needs met by someone who isn't (unless you have some kind of unhealthy power dynamic going on).