Right - it's not the stuff. If someone made a conscious choice to not have those material things, and were living with awareness and intentionality, that wouldn't be a "deal-breaker" for me. I think some people have this list: a job, a car, a checking account, their own home, when really, they just mean someone responsible and grownup enough to have those things. The thing with not living by lists is you have to actually get to know the person!
