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Hsiang-Lin · 12-30-2006, 01:42 AM

Thank you for your advice and help, Angela and RT Wolf.

I'm a bit better now. I'm still not totally at peace with it, but for now I've brought back an old tactic I used to use when I wanted to get something done that I REALLY don't want to do.

The tactic is estranging my real self from my parents. So on the surface, I can do whatever is needed to keep the relationship stable. But I don't see myself confiding to them anytime soon. I just can't stand another one of those "I told you so" moments. It hurts a lot and I can already imagine their reaction to such "horrendous rebellion."

It's a very powerful tactic for me because I am capable of doing whatever it takes to get the job done. However, I realize it is a somewhat stone-cold and inhuman tactic as I basically view people as objects and a means to an end.

I can sense something wrong with this view, but it is so empowering for me and also it allows me to do things that I cannot do when I put my real self on the line. I'm afraid if I put my real self on the line again, I will explode or do something worse. Letting them know I was unhappy today I'm sure is already on their minds and they're prob. really angry at me right now (which makes me even more angry thinking about it) and worried (which the better side of me is saying is the root of their anger).

I don't feel like I can discuss these issues with them, but for the meantime, I will learn to cope with it until I can find a better solution.

12-30-2006, 01:42 AM	#4 (permalink)
Hsiang-Lin Senior Member Join Date: Nov 2006 Posts: 261	Thank you for your advice and help, Angela and RT Wolf. I'm a bit better now. I'm still not totally at peace with it, but for now I've brought back an old tactic I used to use when I wanted to get something done that I REALLY don't want to do. The tactic is estranging my real self from my parents. So on the surface, I can do whatever is needed to keep the relationship stable. But I don't see myself confiding to them anytime soon. I just can't stand another one of those "I told you so" moments. It hurts a lot and I can already imagine their reaction to such "horrendous rebellion." It's a very powerful tactic for me because I am capable of doing whatever it takes to get the job done. However, I realize it is a somewhat stone-cold and inhuman tactic as I basically view people as objects and a means to an end. I can sense something wrong with this view, but it is so empowering for me and also it allows me to do things that I cannot do when I put my real self on the line. I'm afraid if I put my real self on the line again, I will explode or do something worse. Letting them know I was unhappy today I'm sure is already on their minds and they're prob. really angry at me right now (which makes me even more angry thinking about it) and worried (which the better side of me is saying is the root of their anger). I don't feel like I can discuss these issues with them, but for the meantime, I will learn to cope with it until I can find a better solution.