 Really Angry with Parents
Hi everyone,
I'm in a really angry and bad mood right now. I feel my parents still treat me like a kid and whenever I accomplish something that I'm proud of in my path to personal development, they seem to make the achievement trivial or something I "should have done" a long time ago.
I was always very close with my parents, but last night after talking with my mom and having her telling me every tiny little thing to do so that I look presentable in a job interview, I got really frustrated and today I showed that with the tone of my voice.
The thing is, I don't think they are doing it intentionally, but I believe it will be hard for them to see my view. My mom always teased me when I was young that I would change later on and ignore them. I get very angry when I think about that. I think it is a trap. They are trying to trap me into their way of thinking so that if I change my views, they can bring back how I used to tell them I would always be there for them. I think that is very evil.
But at the same time, I know they don't mean it and they can't help it. Arrrrgh. I am so frustrated right now. I think I need a new definition of family. Their thinking no longer aligns with mine, but at the same time I don't have a strong support group outside. I have one friend who has beliefs that align closely with mine and is highly ambitious and lives life courageously, but he is on vacation right now.
I feel very lonely, yet not a social lonely feeling. More like a need to find someone who is highly ambitious and independent and open-minded. Someone who can appreciate my efforts in personal development even when I fail. I feel my parents always feel disappointed when I try something new and I fail. I can just sense it on their lips the "I told you so" comment and that irates me to no end. I can't stand people who can't take failure. I'm trying to face it as much as possible and it seems their negative energy is following me every drop of the way with "I told you so." And then they tell me to keep studying hard and all that BS. That's what I'm trying to do! But everytime I talk to you guys it feels like you're rubbing it in. Arrrrgh.
Sorry, for the long rant. I think for the first time in my life, I really feel estranged from my parents. I felt it in the past, but this time I think I need to mature and realize my parents can no longer have such a burden on me. It is highly disempowering and my thirst for personal development is heavily hindered the more I talk to them.
Do you guys have any advice? Sorry, I'm just in a bad mood right now so if I sound really stupid or unreasonable, that's the reason.  |