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Originally Posted by ssandra  I like that I have places where I can be myself, my different selves. |
I totally agree with you. What you describe about yourself sounds like the polar opposite of someone with low self-esteem and a "fear of rejection". Actually it seems to me like healthy (and therefore unusual) human behavior.
Someone who insists on maintaining a fixed and inflexible self no matter how the context shifts seems (to me) to be anything but the pinnacle of human authenticity.
By the way, since "authenticity" is a big buzz word I'd like to mention one of my big personal heroes -- Carl Rogers -- who was the very first to introduce authenticity (or 'personal congruence') as a major core condition in psychotherapy, as well as in interpersonal relationships and did the first research on the topic.
Carl Rogers stressed that authenticity is about expressing feelings and thoughts RELEVANT TO THE CURRENT RELATIONSHIP/INTERACTION even when such things make us feel vulnerable.
An authentic person does not necessarily need to tell his employer about his irrelevant sexual desires and shame. That (to me) is completely ridicilous. Instead, one wishes to work somewhere where one's values can be revealed, acknowledged, upheld. One hopes that the enviornment he/she works in will acknowledge and work with releveant feelings ("I feel incompetent about this particular task and need help; I feel anxious about this particular aspect of my relating with my boss") and be conducive to true human relating. Basically, one wants to be allowed to be human and real.
If our lives and relationships are to be vital they are lived in the present moment -- IMMEDIATE EXPERIENCE. Which means that from one situation to the next you may feel, think, and act differently than in another situation -- and that doesn't make you dirty or lacking in self-esteem. Actually, I think it's wonderful. Rather than groping at a static self who demands to be "expressed" in every single situation in a given predetermined fashion -- you're free to be alive and vital in the present situation.
In short, I think this whole idea of "you're not authentic and open unless everyone knows everything about you -- particular the things you don't want them to know" contains only a grain of truth (at best). And forget about weaknesses for a moment -- I think that often sharing our positive feelings about others (and even ourselves!) often takes just as much courage. Telling someone your feelings of kindness, gentleness, fondness, admiration, can often be very risky and difficult too and in most cases it is far more relevant than telling someone the 10 things you hate about yourself.
In fact, ssandra, I was shocked at your most recent message in which you defended your feelings about yourself and affirmed your own experience without appearing to be angry about some fairly undermining comments. I admired that.