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JSB · 11-19-2008, 07:56 PM

I was a virgin until the age of 20, and even after having sex, it took me a long time to become comfortable with it.

I was afraid of losing control of myself, afraid of true unshielded intimacy and vulnerability, and I did what I think many people do --- I retreated inward during sex and focused on my own experience. My partner's feelings were important to me, and I always tried to be a good lover, but it was in the context of my own internal experience.

Now, years later, I am comfortable with intimacy and vulnerability, with being totally exposed and connected. I still enjoy my own sensations, but so much of sex is now about shared experience and energetic flow.

So, even after you have sex, it can feel difficult or uncomfortable or even threatening, but if you are patient and kind to yourself, you can eventually find something better and more real than all the crass Hollywood bullshit and empty mechanical hook-ups. It may take awhile, but it's worth pursuing.

11-19-2008, 07:56 PM	#40 (permalink)
JSB Senior Member Join Date: Aug 2007 Posts: 443	I was a virgin until the age of 20, and even after having sex, it took me a long time to become comfortable with it. I was afraid of losing control of myself, afraid of true unshielded intimacy and vulnerability, and I did what I think many people do --- I retreated inward during sex and focused on my own experience. My partner's feelings were important to me, and I always tried to be a good lover, but it was in the context of my own internal experience. Now, years later, I am comfortable with intimacy and vulnerability, with being totally exposed and connected. I still enjoy my own sensations, but so much of sex is now about shared experience and energetic flow. So, even after you have sex, it can feel difficult or uncomfortable or even threatening, but if you are patient and kind to yourself, you can eventually find something better and more real than all the crass Hollywood bullshit and empty mechanical hook-ups. It may take awhile, but it's worth pursuing.